Why Miscarriage is Kept Quiet and Few Speak Out

With the news of the Duggar’s miscarriage yesterday that has been spreading since it was first announced, there has been a lot of discussion about miscarriage.

A discussion that is not normally in the public and so widespread is all over social media today – in circles that normally don’t speak about miscarriage and loss.

With all of this I have come to realize more why miscarriage is so hidden and few feel comfortable with talking about it:

Everyone has an opinion.

They are “opinions” about what she should have done or not done. What she should or shouldn’t do now. What she should be learning from this happening.

They are blaming. They are pointing fingers. They are judging.

These “opinions” are never centered around what she can do to help heal. What others can do to help support her and the family. Never focused around increasing support for perinatal grief.

This is typical for anyone that gets the courage to speak about loss in a large forum. As a voice of loss and grief myself I have been the center of the judging and pointing fingers. I have been asked why I continue ‘trying’ since I have three kids already. I have been questioned on our decision to go through so many losses and not just ‘give up’. I have been accused of causing this on myself and not ‘knowing better’.

I have been the object of blame instead of support.

That blame and judgement is why no one speaks up and because of that there is little support. A terrible cycle that just keeps on going when we should be leaning on each other for understanding and support.

I encourage you to read: Words that Women May Find Hurtful After Miscarriage

Read more from Devan on Accustomed ChaosUnspoken Grief
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photo credit: dctim1 via flickr

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