How to Prep Your Kid for a New Sibling
Help your child adjust to your second pregnancy
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Involve Your Child in the Discussion
You may think you’re sparing your child by talking over his head about the baby, but that can actually make your child feel anxious. You’ll have to gauge your child’s developmental readiness (age is only one factor) to decide when to have the conversation, but it’s generally a good idea to tell your child before he’s going to start hearing it in casual adult conversation with friends or family. -
Be Inclusive
Talk about the baby in relationship to him &mdash saying things like “your baby brother will be living in this room” will reinforce the idea that your oldest child will not be replaced by the new one. You can even ask your oldest to participate in some of the decisions about the new baby, whether it’s room design or name suggestions &mdash it will further his sense of pride and connection to what’s going on.
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Teach Your Child About Babies
Babies can be weird alien creatures to those who don’t have firsthand experience with them. Show your child what babies look like and do. The first part of this process is showing your child pictures or videos of himself as a baby. You can also read books and spend time with friends or family with babies. The idea is to familiarize him so he has some idea of what to expect &mdash and what’s better about being a big kid!
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Don’t Push: Respect Your Child’s Cues.
The idea of a new sibling is overwhelming and anxiety producing. If it’s the first new baby in the house, your child has no idea what to expect and frankly may not want to deal with it. When you’re trying to talk to him about the baby, don’t expect your child to be riveted by the material. You’re doing this to try to ease him into the experience, and he can only swallow as much as he’s ready for.
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Make Big Changes Far from Due Date
A new baby often motivates a move or, at the very least, a moving around of things. Though the actual changes may be inevitable, you can help prevent your eldest from associating them with the new baby if you time them as far away from the due date as you can. It’s especially important to be sensitive when you’re giving things that used to be your older child’s to the new baby.
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Take Your Child to Your Checkup
A visit to the OB or midwife is especially helpful for science-minded children, who may be more interested in the medical part of the process than the abstract idea that they will be getting a sibling. Depending on your caregiver, you may be able to listen to the baby’s heartbeat or see the baby on the ultrasound, which can help reinforce the idea that the baby is a reality (just as it does for adults).
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Consider a Sibling Prep Class
Many childbirth prep and parenting education centers offer classes for expecting siblings. Classes vary, but are generally focused on giving kids an overview about life with a new baby in an age-appropriate way. Young children may comprehend less, but the benefit of a class isn’t just what they learn on that day; having a touchstone to return to when you’re talking about the baby can be really helpful.
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Keep Your Child Close
Cuddling in late pregnancy can be uncomfortable, but it can also help your child feel more at ease. Once the baby’s born, you can work out some new routines to allow your older child to snuggle with you while you feed or sit with the new baby. If your child knows there’s a place for him, those endless feeding sessions occupying your time will seem a lot less threatening.
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Plan a Smooth Introduction
Ideally, the first time you see your elder child after your new baby is born, you’ll have your arms and attention free to give to him. It’s especially suggested that someone else &mdash not a parent and especially not the mom &mdash
be holding the new baby when your older child sees him for the first time. It may be better to wait for a more relaxed moment than trying to squeeze it in when your child is tired, hungry or otherwise stressed.
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Cut Everybody Some Slack!
Many parents say the hardest part of having a new baby is not the baby itself, but managing the older one’s reaction. Regression is common; your child may see the benefits of being a baby from watching you fawn over the newborn. Don’t underestimate the role of your own emotions either. This change will be as complicated for you as for your biggest little one.
This is great advice, and it really applies to tell your kid about any big decision.
I read about using baby dolls to help with the transition. I got my child a Corolle Bebe Do when she was expecting her little sister. It comes with a book to teach you how to take care of baby and it’s a snuggly doll, very well made. She really felt a part of the process and I kept assuring her that I would need her help to take care of her little sister. Giving her this confidence that she was important to the process made the transition much easier than I initially thought.
I made a photo book online using photos of my older son nursing, being carried in a sling, sleeping, etc. contrasted with what he can do now (i.e. The new baby will get all of his food from nursing, you can eat big boy food like hamburgers! with a photo of him nursing as a newborn and a recent photo of him eating at the table). I think it helped to have photos of familiar people and to have our family’s actual parenting practices represented. It would have been hard to explain to him that the baby in the book is eating from a bottle, but our baby is going to nurse. It helped him a lot and he still likes to read it fairly frequently. Best $8 I spent.
My son was 3 when I first got pregnant. He had been expressing a desire for a sibling so he was very excited when he learned that I was pregnant. Since he found out he’s been very involved in the preparations. One of his favorite activities is to look on Baby Center every week to see how the baby is developing and he loves seeing the videos they have about it as well. Since he got impatient waiting for the baby we made a paper chain in which each link has written on it a gestational week. When the baby is a week older he cuts the previous week’s link off of the chain.
He really enjoyed going to the 19 week sonogram with us and got to be the one to tell his grandparents and aunt that he was going to have a little brother. Since then he’s been pretending that he’s my midwife with his pretend doctor’s kit.
He has also helped by helping me pick out the fabric I’m using to decorate the nursery and by “helping” us put together the crib. Afterwards we put him in the crib and he decided it was too small for him. He also helped me register for the baby which he thought was fun and was allowed to add a few things to the registry. He’s had fun trying out old baby stuff of his while we’ve unpacked the stuff together.
We’ve also been doing some things so he doesn’t feel left out. Along the way we’ve asked him if it’s okay if he his little brother uses his baby stuff including a few things from his room. As a treat we’re redecorating his room in inexpensive ways so that he gets to have a big boy room and repainted and decorated the bathroom he’ll share with his brother. While we’ve been unpacking his baby stuff we’ve talked to him about how we used them with him when he was a baby and have shown him photos and home movies of him when he was a baby.
Thanky Thanky for all this good ifonrmtiaon!
This is all very sensible, appropriate advice. My son’s also 3 and looking forward to meeting his new sibling but 20 more weeks is a long time to go so we have chats with the baby and make sure he meets lots of babies which isn’t hard as he has baby cousins and lots of his friends have baby brothers or sisters now.
Everyone’s advice is very helpful, my daughter is 5 and has been wanting a baby sister for a while. Noe that I’m 19weeks pregnant, she can see my stomach growing and is pretty excited. She lives split with her dad and I but she is so helpful with everything and so gentle. We want her to go to our sonogram, which we wont be finding out the sex til its born, to see and hear the baby. Its nice to know I am doing everything in this article already and some of the added advice, so it makes me think that its in our genes to automatically do all of this! Mothering instincts really do kick in!