On Saturday I officially hit 20 weeks, which means that I am halfway finished with pregnancy. I both can and cannot believe that it’s already been 20 weeks. Some days it feels like it’s been a lifetime, others like a quick flash. But I have to say, I’m really loving pregnancy right now. I’m about as happy as I have ever been.
I can feel the little guy move pretty much whenever I’m sitting or laying down. I wake up to little baby kicks each morning and I cannot imagine a better way to start the day. What was just weird swirly feelings in my insides is now obvious punches and kicks. Two nights I had my hand in just the right place and was able to feel the kick on the inside and the outside. And last night my husband felt a booming kick for the first time, too.
I feel like in the past few weeks pregnancy has become much more real. There is just a big difference between watching a tiny bump grow and being able to feel a baby move.
I find myself constantly daydreaming about my son, about what he’ll look like, what he’ll be like. He officially has a name and even though I’m not sure I’ve ever actually called him by it, he’s no longer just a dream. He’s a real growing child. A piece of my heart.
It’s hard to describe how quickly I fell in love with him. I have been in love with the idea of him for years, seeing him on ultrasounds warmed and softened my heart. But feeling him, knowing that he’s growing and moving inside me has opened up a part of my heart that I didn’t even know existed. It’s hard for me to imagine loving anything more than I love this tiny baby. Some days it feels like my heart could explode from all I’m feeling.
You don’t have to remind me that the second trimester is the honeymoon period of pregnancy. I know some of you are probably laughing at me because I sound so entirely ridiculous when there is still so much to come. I know that this is the best phase of pregnancy. I only feel nauseous occasionally, I’m not exhausted and I’m not the size of a land barge yet. I know that in a few weeks my feet are going to swell up, sleeping is going to get even more uncomfortable (I don’t even want to discuss how that’s even possible), the indigestion/heartburn is going to get worse. I know all of this.
But it doesn’t change things now. And I refuse to let the unpleasantries ahead change how happy I am right now, halfway to seeing my tiny little guy.