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Having Non-Pregnancy Goals While Trying to Conceive

By Aela Mass |

After the required and preliminary doctor appointments were all complete, I was eager to undergo my first IVF cycle and get pregnant. All my tests and screenings came back with flying colors; I was deemed healthy and ready to begin trying to conceive. While I was ready and willing, my ovaries had another plan, and — longish story short — this won’t be the month I get pregnant. I feel foolish that I expected this to be an easy, wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am sort of process and have had a hard time not being all-consumed by everything pregnancy-related.

But a reader recently gave me some of the best advice I’ve gotten during my fertility journey: “When I was waiting (and waiting and waiting) to become pregnant, it helped me to set little goals for myself outside of becoming pregnant – mine was running longer and faster – so I had something to work at and a feeling of accomplishment to look forward to outside of the realm of fertility.”

Since reading her words, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about how much sense this goal-setting idea makes. And I’ve decided to set a few for myself.

After the jump, check out some of the non-pregnancy goals I’ve set for myself that focus on other important aspects of my life and not just trying to conceive. After all, while getting pregnant is my biggest goal for this year, it certainly isn’t the only thing I’ve got going on in my life. Thanks for the reminder, Katie G!

It’s easy to think about nothing else but getting pregnant when you’re trying to conceive. In fact, it’s easy to become completely absorbed and focused only on getting pregnant. At times, it can feel overwhelming and as though nothing else in your life matters. And while it’s definitely the biggest concern of women, like myself, who are trying to conceive, it’s important that we don’t let it consume us. Here are some goals I’ve set for myself. I’m not suggesting these be your goals, though you’re certainly welcome to try any of these if they fit your life.

What goals are you going to set so that you have something “outside of the realm of fertility” to look forward to?

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Goal Setting and Staying Positive While Trying to Conceive


This will be the easiest goal to meet, since Sara and I are all set to move July 1st. We've been living in the city of Albany for over two years now but have decided to move to a more family-friendly neighborhood a few miles away. We're excited to move into a bigger home and settle in with our dog, but we will miss "our first apartment."
Photo: post406

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“No Baby This Month” and the Disappointment of Losing What You Never Had
Poem For Baby-To-Be
Lessons From Our First “Baby”

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About Aela Mass


Aela Mass

Aela Mass is a lesbian writer and editor living the dream on Martha's Vineyard with her wife, Sara, and their dog, Darla. She miscarried her twins at 17 weeks and has undergone numerous IVF, FET, and IUI cycles. Her writing has appeared in The Huffington Post among other publications. For more of her work, visit her blog Two Moms Make a Right. Read bio and latest posts → Read Aela's latest posts →

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0 thoughts on “Having Non-Pregnancy Goals While Trying to Conceive

  1. Julie says:

    Albany, NY? Niskayuna resident here, and I can understand your thinking about moving. Albany is convenient, but some of the outlying areas are a lot nicer for raising kids… We bought a house a couple years ago, knowing that we wanted to have kids (I’m due with our first in a few weeks), and we wanted to buy in a good neighborhood for kids. Hope you like your new neighborhood, and good luck with the move!

  2. Harry @ GoalsOnTrack says:

    Great advice, “don’t let it consume us”. We all need a balanced number of goals in life.

  3. Honey says:

    It took us 10 months to conceive this time round. It was a lot easier for me to make a new goal each month when I found out I wasn’t pregnant. To have something else to focus on besides reproduction. Most of the time it was some goal having to do with my etsy shop, but I threw other little goals in there as well. Each month had to have a new specific goal, though, not just goals that kept continuing each month.

  4. bwsf says:

    I can’t agree more. After my miscarriage, I was so focused on getting pregnant again. It was literally the only goal I had, it was terrible. Looking back I realized I wasted a lot of time in the year before I got pregnant again thinking, planning, hoping for that baby instead of living my daily life. Your suggestions are good, but seem more like distracting hobbies. I think women should also keep focus on other important aspects of their lives, like career (even if that is SAHM like it is for me, I really let it go), marriage or partnership, etc. Good advice, wish I had read it a year ago ;)

  5. bwsf says:

    Sorry I just read the few words “I’ve set for myself”. Of course those are fine goals to have, I didn’t mean to insult them.

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