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He's Going In…

I will be 38 weeks on Friday.  Today marks the first day my doctor is going in.  You know, he’s gloving up and checking out the goods.  Poor fella.  I’ve long since given up shaving and I think I’ve got a few ingrown hairs down there, the result of thigh chub rub, that are bigger than the average ingrown hair.

In fact, the state of affairs down there is a mystery to me because I can’t  see anything!  Forget 40 weeks.  Doctors should consider inducing when pregnant women can no longer reach to wipe their bums.  I won’t be surprised if my vagina just up and bites his whole hand off for all I know what’s doing down there.

Hey!  Let’s talk about my vagina some more.

Okay, not really my vagina, but my cervix.  As in, there had better be some sexy cervical action underway because I BELIEVE I MAY KILL SOMEONE IF I DON’T HAVE THIS BABY SOON.

Oops.  Sorry about that.  Heh, heh, heh.  It slipped out.

So anyway.  About that cervix.  

During pregnancy the cervix lengthens and thickens to protect the baby. During labor, the cervix softens and shortens to allow the baby to pass through. Effacement refers to the thickness or thinness of your cervix. Effacement is measured by percentage, with 0% being a thick and hard cervix and 100% being a very soft thin cervix that is “gone.”

Another cervical change during labor, the cervix opens wider to allow the baby to pass through. Dilation refers to how big the opening of the cervix is and is measured from 0 (closed cervix) to 10 (fully opened cervix). A cervix will need to efface before it will have any great progress in dilating.

So what I’m hoping to hear the doctor say today is that my cervix is softening and dilating.  That won’t necessarily mean anything.  He could say my cervix is 40% effaced and I’m dilated to a two and I could still go past my due date of February 25th.  But still!  It could be a sign that something is happening.

I’ll let you know if my cervix is getting busy when I get back from the appointment.  Or, you know, if my vagina bites his hand off or something.

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