This has become the theme of my life since January.
Wait to ovulate.
Wait for each new cycle to begin.
I wrote about how there are times when I need him to just let me cry and times when I need for him to distract me.
But in this moment, I need something else.
I need hope.
Because there’s a part of me that isn’t hopeful anymore. A big part of me, actually.
I can’t tell you how many days until my next cycle.
I can’t let my mind count days any more.
I think that I’m disengaging as a means of self preservation.
It has all just become too much.
I always wondered how people ever gave up.
That notion always seemed so foreign to me. I couldn’t imagine a day when I would reach the point where I would be ready to throw my hands into the air and just say, “I give.”
But, here I am.
And those words are forming.
Hope is fading.
If you have struggled with infertility, how did you stay hopeful?
How did you keep yourself from just giving up?