How Much More? Infertility and Hopelessness

Please wait.

This has become the theme of my life since January.

Wait to ovulate.

Wait for each new cycle to begin.

I wrote the other day about how my husband holds my hand throughout our infertility journey.

I wrote about how there are times when I need him to just let me cry and times when I need for him to distract me.

But in this moment, I need something else.

I need hope.

Because there’s a part of me that isn’t hopeful anymore. A big part of me, actually.

I can’t tell you how many days until my next cycle.

I can’t let my mind count days any more.

I think that I’m disengaging as a means of self preservation.

It has all just become too much.

I always wondered how people ever gave up.

That notion always seemed so foreign to me. I couldn’t imagine a day when I would reach the point where I would be ready to throw my hands into the air and just say, “I give.”

But, here I am.

And those words are forming.

Hope is fading.

If you have struggled with infertility, how did you stay hopeful?

How did you keep yourself from just giving up?

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