Seven years ago when I learned for the first time that my egg and husband’s sperm successfully collided and created a growing baby, I wanted to shout it from the rooftops. We didn’t tell anyone right away because I had always heard that you shouldn’t share your news until you pass the end of the first trimester.
In case things turn out badly.
Then I had my first miscarriage – and no one knew. I felt like I couldn’t talk about it because my pregnancy was a ‘secret’ – I wasn’t supposed to share it yet. I grieved in silence and put on a fake face to the world.
My husband and I got pregnant again.
Then I miscarried again.
After that I realized this “don’t share until you pass the first trimester” rule made me feel embarrassed. I felt ashamed and unsupported. I felt like I had a dirty secret that I was not supposed to talk about even though I was clearly grieving these losses that no one knew about. I felt that although miscarriage was something that happened to 1 in 5 pregnancies you were not supposed to talk about it & no one did.
I can understand not wanting to let everyone know right away. Your boss, the nosy neighbour or the lady at the grocery store – but my advice, from someone who has had it “go wrong” is to at least let a handful of people know. Your dearest friends or your close family members so that way you will have someone there to celebrate those early days with, to shout it to them when you need to celebrate.
But also so you will have support around you if something does go wrong. People who will check in with you while you grieve so you don’t need to pretend to everyone that nothing had happened.
How far along were you when you announced your pregnancy?