Previous Post Next Post

Pregnancy

Brought to you by

How Soon Do You Announce Your Pregnancy?

By Devan McGuinness |

When Do You Share Your Pregnancy News?

When do you share your pregnancy news?

Seven years ago when I learned for the first time that my egg and husband’s sperm successfully collided and created a growing baby, I wanted to shout it from the rooftops. We didn’t tell anyone right away because I had always heard that you shouldn’t share your news until you pass the end of the first trimester.

In case things turn out badly.

Then I had my first miscarriage – and no one knew. I felt like I couldn’t talk about it because my pregnancy was a ‘secret’ – I wasn’t supposed to share it yet. I grieved in silence and put on a fake face to the world.

My husband and I got pregnant again.

Then I miscarried again.

After that I realized this “don’t share until you pass the first trimester” rule made me feel embarrassed. I felt ashamed and unsupported. I felt like I had a dirty secret that I was not supposed to talk about even though I was clearly grieving these losses that no one knew about. I felt that although miscarriage was something that happened to 1 in 5 pregnancies you were not supposed to talk about it & no one did.

I can understand not wanting to let everyone know right away. Your boss, the nosy neighbour or the lady at the grocery store – but my advice, from someone who has had it “go wrong” is to at least let a handful of people know. Your dearest friends or your close family members so that way you will have someone there to celebrate those early days with, to shout it to them when you need to celebrate.

But also so you will have support around you if something does go wrong. People who will check in with you while you grieve so you don’t need to pretend to everyone that nothing had happened.

How far along were you when you announced your pregnancy?

Check Out Pregnancy After Loss: Words of Wisdom From Moms Who Have Been There

[image credit]

More on Babble

About Devan McGuinness

devanmcguinness

Devan McGuinness

Devan McGuinness is the writer of the lifestyle blog Accustomed Chaos. After surviving 12 miscarriages, Devan founded Unspoken Grief, a resource and support site for perinatal and neonatal loss. Read bio and latest posts → Read Devan's latest posts →

« Go back to Pregnancy

Use a Facebook account to add a comment, subject to Facebook's Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. Your Facebook name, profile photo and other personal information you make public on Facebook (e.g., school, work, current city, age) will appear with your comment. Comments, together with personal information accompanying them, may be used on Babble.com and other Babble media platforms. Learn More.

0 thoughts on “How Soon Do You Announce Your Pregnancy?

  1. Katherine says:

    Devan, this is SO what I needed to read this morning. I just went through a miscarriage over this last weekend and since so few people actually knew about my pregnancy to begin with, I have been hesitant about putting anything up on my blog about it, even though I really feel the need to do it. I have my doctor’s appt this afternoon, then after that? I’m hitting publish.

  2. Miranda says:

    I told my mom and mother in law right away. I was just married so it was more out of shock and panic then of excitement ;) . My friends asked jokingly if I was pregnant when I told them I had quit working, I couldn’t lie. I hated not being able to tell them in my own time. Next time, I’ll tell the parents right away but will probably wait until after 3 months to tell me friends. I quite love the idea of keeping a secret and if I were to have a miscarriage, I would still tell my friends. I need the support!

  3. nobody says:

    we waited until after the first trimester. But then lost two babies in the second. You are 100% right with this. We announced our third as soon as we found out.

  4. erniebufflo says:

    I was going to wait until after the first trimester. I had told a handful of friends and family, but I wasn’t going to tell the world (I’m a blogger and I write about my life) until later. But then, at the first prenatal, I saw TWO BABIES on the ultrasound, and the news suddenly became too much to hold in. So I told the world at almost 8 weeks. So far so good.

  5. Jodymo says:

    I lost 4 pregnancies. I dont announce a pregnancy to the world until at least 12 weeks but close friends and family know weeks before then.

  6. Josie G says:

    I can understand how you’re feeling but who says you can’t talk about a miscarriage you’ve had, even if people didn’t know you were pregnant? If people ask why you seem sad or bothered just tell them. You’ll get sad faced “awes” and the surprised “I didn’t know you were pregnant!” reactions but you can then just explain you weren’t planning on announcing the pregnancy until 12 weeks. Problem solved. And who made up these “not supposed to talk about it” rules anyways? Talk about what you want to talk about (I mean, you’re doing it on this blog so why can’t you in real life?).

  7. Rachael says:

    I told everyone when we took that first home pregnancy test. I was 6 weeks pregnant. Of course, people were more cautious than excited. Most people did not celebrate with me, instead they told me that ‘anything could happen’ and that was not very comforting. I am now 16 weeks pregnant and I am glad I told people, because no matter their reaction, I would have exploded if I hadn’t shouted it from the rooftops.

  8. Lisa says:

    such good advice. I felt so lost and alone and hated telling people bad news when they did not have a chance to hear our good news before things went badly. thanks for this post.

  9. Taz says:

    i told my close family before the pee was dry on the pregnancy test! i shared very early, much to the dismay of my jewish in-laws who are way into the wait 3 months rule. they were happy to get the news, but after that they didn’t speak about it for 3 months! one of the reasons that i shared the news is for the very reason that i don’t believe in suffering in silence and i also believe in celebrating your joy in the moment because it could be gone tomorrow. most of the people i told were even more excited when we told them how new the news was- i think it made them feel very included in the experience.

  10. Tanya says:

    Devan…
    When we found out we were pregnant we told our parents but the night that we thought we were miscarrying we didn’t tell anyone we were already grieving thinking that we were going to lose this baby that we had wanted soooo badly. I didn’t know how I was going to break the news to our parents and suddenly I felt ashamed for telling them so early because now I thought I was going to cause them pain. Although I bled a lot we didn’t end up losing the baby, we actually found out we were having 2 babies! Since that experience, if I ever lose my mind and decide to have another baby or end up having an oopsie, I don’t know if I would tell anyone as early as I did with the twins pregnancy.

  11. Wren says:

    I miscarried twice before finally getting pregnant again. With this pregnancy, we didn’t tell our parents until I was 16 weeks along. Close friends found out at about 18 weeks, and the rest of the world at 20 weeks (but my bump is only now beginning to resemble a pregnant belly; if I had popped earlier we might have started sharing at 12-13 weeks).

    If I got were to get pregnant again, I would still wait. But next time, I would let my family know that if I was going through a miscarriage. I didn’t, those first few times. And it was rough.

    I have enjoyed keeping my pregnancy private for as long as possible… husband and I are both private people. But I made a mistake in not telling them about the miscarriages. Still, everyone is so different…

  12. Wren says:

    Sorry for all of those typos; the emotion of it all got to me!

  13. Stefanie says:

    We told a handful of friends/family right away-especially since I give and receive a lot of bodywork, that was safest for the pregnancy. It was nice to have support during those weeks (I was very sick). It was fun to make the big public announcement at 12 weeks, when things are less “statistically” risky, although tragedy can occur at any time. It is heartbreaking to think of anyone who goes through a miscarriage feeling alone.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *.

Previous Post Next Post