I Bring The Pregnancy (Not) Hotness!Rebekah Kuschmider
I’ve written before about my dissatisfaction with maternity clothes. Despite my fundamental disagreements with the current drop of maternity designers (Hey Liz Lange! Side ruching on shirts? Not as cute as you think it is.), I like to think I manage to pull myself together reasonably well during the day. I’m lucky enough to get the glowing skin and luxuriant hair that pregnancy can bestow and I like to believe they offset the burgeoning belly – and butt – going on below my neck. I’m also not afraid to exploit the pregnancy cleavage. I’m normally a 34B so the 36D’s I’m currently sporting get put on display sometimes, just because I can.
But when the sun begins to set, my moderately cute self…changes. Not unlike the Princess Fiona in Shrek, I can’t sustain my human form after dark and morph into a kind of preg-zilla creature.
The first thing that happens to me is that toward the end of the day, my hands, feet and ankles start to swell. It’s a natural effect of gravity and the warming weather and I don’t know a single pregnant lady who’s escaped it. I try to mitigate it by drinking plenty of water all day but by about 5 pm, I have cankles and my wedding ring is too tight.
Next, I start to notice the aches and pops in my joints. I suffer from something called “posterior pelvic pain”, which is medical-ese for “pain in my butt” and after a day of chasing my 4 year old, my hips start refusing to move quickly and my center of gravity shifts to compensate for the pain I feel with each step. That means I start waddling along on my aforementioned cankles as I’m cooking dinner and straightening up the house.
It’s also allergy season here in the mid-Atlantic and my 24 hour Claritin often peters out sometime around hour 22, leaving me to face two hours of itchy-eyed, stuffy-nosed irritation, complete with sneezing and excessive tear production. And pregnancy has my sinuses a bit swollen anyway so the pollen exacerbates that and leads to the occasional nosebleed.
Oh yeah. I’m a waddling, red-eyed, sniffling, cankle lady. Just in time for my husband to get home from work. HAWT.
To help with all of this, I employ a battery of nighttime aids that only increase my HAWTness. First, there’s the Breathe-Right strip across my nose. It makes me look like I’m in the last phases of rhinoplasty recovery but the first time I put one on, I wanted to dance around and sing a song about all the oxygen that was suddenly able to pass inside my nasal passages. They keep me from waking up with my mouth parched from breathing through it. To combat the hip and butt pain, I sleep with a body pillow shoved between my knees and under my belly bump. (That pillow and I have gotten so close that I’m thinking of naming it. Something sexy, perhaps. Like Julio. Or maybe just Cabana Boy.) My latest addition to the arsenal is a pair of compression stockings to try and combat ankle bloat as I sleep. Not sure what those are? Here’s a photo.
Yeah, BAYBEEEE, right? I am bringing sexy back in the bedroom. RAWR.
The good news is that all of this stuff actually helps so even though I’m the exact opposite of Sleeping Beauty at night, I wake up refreshed and able to walk straight on slender(ish) ankles in the morning.
What do you do to help with pregnancy discomfort?
Pretty photo credit: photo stock
Funky foot photo courtesy of me.