I Had My Heart Broken This Week


I have had a difficult week and I don’t imagine that the weekend will bring much more peace to me. To be honest I wasn’t going to write about this here – I have written about it on Unspoken Grief but this space can at times feel intimidating.

So many eyes read the words here on Babble. It is also because of all your eyes that I have decided to write about this.  I strive to help remove stigma, to make the world more comfortable to hear these stories and share these stories.  I thought about it hard though – for a while and today I feel ‘okay’ enough to bare my pain.

I had my eleventh miscarriage on Monday.

We were not planning on pregnancy right now but knew the ‘risks’ we were taking given our birth control methods. To be honest with you – I consider myself a ‘master basal body charter’ and I was caught off guard by what seemed like impossible odds that led to our pregnancy.

I feel a massive amount of guilt because I had stopped taking my daily low dose aspirin a few months ago. The bottle ran out and I had neglected to purchase a refill. I need to be taking those before implantation happens and I wasn’t.  I didn’t catch the implantation dip on the chart quick enough for it to matter when I did start taking them again.

I was barely five weeks. My heart is broken just the same.

You can find support and resources for miscarriage at UnspokenGrief.com and the amazing community on Facebook.

Read more from Devan on Accustomed ChaosUnspoken Grief
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photo credit: Adapted from eskedal on Flickr