From a very early age I knew I wanted to adopt. It was a huge part of my picture of a family. It seemed completely natural and normal to me. I knew I would be a mother to children not of my own flesh and blood and love them just as dearly. As a teacher and nanny, I knew I could have the same, unconditional love for a child I didn’t give birth to.
Sam went back and forth on the idea. Understandably, as he had a rough childhood with a father who adopted him. He had a lot of concerns and fears. He would agree, we’d contact an agency and get started with looking at options, and then we’d back out. This went on for years. In the meantime we had our daughter and our twins, but after their loss it was instantly clear to me what I wanted to do.
I still wanted to adopt.
As I researched on it more, I realized many couples that consider adoption have this issue: one person very much does and the other isn’t sure or very much doesn’t. I had no idea about this. I honestly thought couples who adopted were always 100% in with the whole process from the beginning on.
So why? And what can you do about this if that’s the case? Adoption is like a baby — yes or no. You can’t try it out and see first. So how does anyone get past this? How did we?
Here are a few reasons why one person might feel (valid) resistance towards the process, and ideas for exploring in it further to see if it might be a good fit for your family:
Diana blogs on raising a toddler daughter, the loss of her twin boys, and their families’ Korean adoption in progress on the aptly named Hormonal Imbalances.
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