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Imagine If Mary Gave Birth To Jesus Today

We’ve come a long way since Mary gave birth in a manger but some aspects of our new and improved birth culture have become so overwrought, controversial and mechanized you gotta wonder if we haven’t gone too far in the other direction. Or at least you’ve got to have a laugh about it.

Over at theunnecesarean.com, Lauren Plante, MD has come up with an updated the story of baby Jesus’ birth–it’s funny and snarky and somewhat revelatory:

“Bethlehem Hospital

“Hello, Mary, so nice to see you. May I see your insurance information? Here are your consent forms: sign here, please.

“OK, birth plan, let me see…Unfortunately we’ve got no room at the birth center. Actually, we’ve had to close the birth center, hardly anyone was using it any more. It just didn’t make financial sense to keep it open. No worries, though. We can in-process you right here, in the Special Delivery suite.

“What? Oh, no, this isn’t Labor and Delivery, we’ve changed the name.  Nobody has to labor any more. This isn’t your grandmother’s birth experience!

“The anesthesiologist will be along in a minute. My advice is, go with the epidural, that way you’ll be awake for the birth. Although some of our mothers are a little frightened of the operating room and ask to be put to sleep. Joseph, did you bring a videocamera or were you planning to use your smartphone?

“So, what are you having? Ahh, a little boy, how lovely. What have you named him? And circumcision, yes or no? Breast or bottle feeding?”

You can read the whole thing here. It’s great. Obviously giving birth in a manger isn’t what we should return to… but wow, what an ordeal we have to go through these days. What do you think? Would Mary have become a very anxious, confused mother were she ushered into parenting in this day and age?

 

 

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