In the Moment: What Happens When You Take a Break From Trying to Conceive?

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So, I think I ovulated yesterday.

My basal body temperature spiked this morning, indicating that yesterday was probably the big day.

With a few more days of temping, I’ll know for certain.

For the first time in months, we didn’t use an ovulation predictor kit.

I just couldn’t do it.

What else haven’t we done this month?

Stress.

Have sex on an insane schedule.

Count days until ovulation.

I also may have slipped on my new no-caffeine rule. Just a little.

It was all just getting to be too much.

Last month was kind of a breaking point for us.

I can’t say what we’ll do next month if this cycle is a bust, but I can say that this month was easier.

My heart ached less and I appreciated all that I do have even more.

I didn’t look at my chart, but rather, I looked at my two children.

I didn’t count days, but rather my son’s little boy toes, reciting, “this little piggy went to the market…”

I didn’t obsess about this next baby, but rather watched my first baby glide across the stage in her first ballet recital.

I lived in the small moments.

I feel freer and more present than I’ve felt in a long while.

In a sense, I feel like I found myself again.

And it’s been so lovely.

 

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