Infertility, a Pacifier, and Sadness


When it came time to take our daughter’s pacifier away, my husband and I felt good about it.

We knew that at 21 months, she was ready and we did it with no reservations.

Within a few ridiculously easy nights, it was done.

Our son is now 22 months old and I have yet to begin the process of taking away his beloved pacifier.

We’ve only allowed him to have it in his bed and when he sees it before bedtime, he is just giddy.

But, I know it’s time to take it away.

As it was with my daughter.


I’m having a tough time.

When I look at him with it, I see him as my baby.

Which leads to thoughts that he might be the last baby we have.

And the tears threaten to fall.

With each milestone he reaches, he is less my baby.

Those milestones weren’t so difficult with our daughter because we knew we would have another baby.

As I rock him each night, and I feel his toddler weight against me, I pray that I will find the courage to let him grow.

It isn’t his responsibility to be the baby.

I pray that we are able to shield him from our struggles with infertility and our sadness if another baby just doesn’t come.