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Infertility and Pregnancy Envy

Infertility and Pregnancy EnvyWhen you’re dealing with infertility, there are many emotions that can come into play on any given day.

Month after month, and suddenly I’m into a year of negative pregnancy tests. The emotions have ranged from disappointment to anger, frustration to self-doubt.

When I finally got my husband on to the idea of having another baby, I was so excited. I was daydreaming about the baby bump, the baby names and all the joys that come with expecting. As the months went on and I realized that this was not going to go as I had planned, the happy daydreaming has been replaced with disappointment, worry and some uglier, but true, emotions such as envy.

If I had said that I felt completely happy every time I heard a pregnancy announcement, I would be lying. It’s not that I am not happy for the person — I truly am — but there is a moment where I ask myself, “When will it be my turn?” A small moment where I acknowledge my disappointment and yearning for something that should come easy and naturally, but isn’t happening that way for me.

After I feel that pang of envy, the guilt starts to creep in. How could I feel that way? Does this make me a bad person? The first time I felt that pang, I felt totally horrified that I had a moment of wishing I was in their shoes. As the months have gone on and I’ve felt that pang a few times since, I have realized that it’s okay to feel this way. It’s normal and it doesn’t make me a bad person.

I imagine it’s a common feeling among those battling infertility and grieving the easy conception and pregnancy we dreamt of is healthy.

:: Did you have to deal with some moments of envy while you were trying to conceive? ::

Photo credit: modified from iStockPhoto

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