When I thought about filling this space today, I was completely blocked.
I spoke with my friends, telling them that I just felt empty.
They suggested various topics for me to explore.
And though they were all amazing suggestions that I’ll likely cover another day, the thought of writing about babies and pregnancy just made my heart ache.
Please don’t misunderstand. I love writing about pregnancy. I love my job here at Babble.
And tomorrow, I will bounce back.
But today, I have been lost in my own fears and sadness.
That’s what infertility does to you.
Some days are okay. Some days, you fill yourself with optimism and hope.
But other days, you look around and it feels hopeless.
I’m filled with fear.
Fear about the HSG test on Friday.
Fear about turning our lives upside down in the months to come as infertility treatments take over our lives.
Fear of them never working.
So tonight, I’d like a free pass.
I’d like permission to just cry…to just think of where I am in this moment.
Tomorrow, your joy will be my joy.
But tonight, I need to unplug, hold my husband’s hand and try to find my equilibrium.