I can’t tell you how many times over the last year that people I know have gotten into fights…or said things…or wanted to say things. And the response was typically, “Well, you’re pregnant, the hormones make you crazy.” or “Don’t mess with a pregnant woman!” or “Just go nuts on him/her, you’re pregnant after all!”
It seems that pregnancy is an excuse to cause (or allow) drama. Is this really how it works, and is this okay?
I know pregnancy can be a tough time. Heck, I’m there. I took my kids to the zoo the other day and by the end I was absolutely exhausted. While I probably would have been regardless (my son is never, ever still), being pregnant just made it harder on me. The same can be said of many circumstances, and not just physical ones.
It’s true that pregnant women are more likely to cry at a movie…or even a commercial for baby wipes (shh). Yes, their hormones are raging and it pushes their emotions over the top sometimes. I’ll admit that if my husband and I fight (thankfully not too often), I’m a lot more likely to end up crying if I’m pregnant. I get all caught up in being upset about whatever’s going on, but then thinking I upset him and wanting to cry more because I don’t want him to be upset and…yes, it’s a bit crazy.
But are these sometimes over-the-top emotions really an excuse to cause drama?
I do know some pregnant women who will drop their guard, or their “filters,” and let someone have it an argument in a way they usually wouldn’t. Or if someone rings the doorbell and happens to disturb their nap or their child’s nap, they go berserk. And so on. Really out-of-line reactions sometimes. And after? “I’m sorry, but I’m pregnant, things really bother me right now.”
About four million babies are born each year in this country, which means at least four million women are pregnant each year (give or take a few thousand). That’s a good 1% of the population that’s pregnant at once. Never mind that a significant portion of the population is also quite young (children) and they really can’t be responsible for their words and actions all the time. My 3-year-old will walk up to people and say, “I don’t like you.” We’re working on it, but this sort of honesty is typical among 3-year-olds.
Getting back to my point…are we saying that at least 1% of the population — full grown women, no less — are allowed, for 9 months, to behave however they want? They get a free pass to be jerks to those around them, just because they’re pregnant?
I don’t think so.
Being pregnant makes it harder. And maybe that means you need to walk away. Or vent to a friend or family member privately. Or even say, “I’m really angry and struggling for control right now.” This is all fine. Blowing up at someone and saying things you shouldn’t and otherwise wouldn’t is not acceptable, not anymore than it is when you’re not pregnant. It’s still important to stop, think, and respond appropriately and calmly, even if you don’t feel that way.
Believe me — there have been plenty of times I’ve wanted to say things I shouldn’t, that I would have regretted…and have walked away, and had a very private, very vehement venting session with my husband! Say it to your best friend, say it to your husband or partner, write it down in a (private) journal (something else I often do). But don’t let pregnancy get the best of you and say it to the person in question!
And yes, sometimes you may slip. We all do. But in those cases, own up to it: “I’m sorry that I said that. Can you forgive me?” Don’t blame pregnancy for it, either! Frankly, when women blame their pregnancies for having bad manners or other poor behavior, it makes all pregnant women look crazy. Perhaps pregnancy contributed, but it’s entirely possible to have a bad day without being pregnant. Call it that and leave pregnancy out of it.
What do you think? Is it okay to be extra dramatic or say impolite things when you’re pregnant?
Top image by Pumpkincat2010
A Mom’s Anger: Does anyone else get this mad?