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Is This a Bad Reason? 12 Questionable Reasons to Get Pregnant

I’ve spent a long time debating whether or not to get pregnant again. A really long time.

My son is turning 4 in a couple of weeks, and I can’t believe how fast, how instantly, the months have ticked by. I assumed I would’ve had an overwhelming need to have a second child by now — especially after having such an uncomplicated pregnancy and an easy-peasy baby/toddler/child. Why wouldn’t I want another baby, especially if he/she could be just like my first?

Truthfully, I have a long list of reasons. Some selfish, most practical.

But the biggest reason? I don’t know that I have a strong enough reason to get pregnant. I’ve had fleeting moments — weeks, at times — where I’m sure we’ll have another one, if not now then soon. But whenever a wave of “let’s have another baby” washes over me, I stop and think IS THIS A GOOD REASON?

Sometimes the reasons are laughably ridiculous, and other times they really make me think. Most of the time, the question is rhetorical — yes, I know that having a child for a fancy stroller is not a good reason to get pregnant — but sometimes I’m really asking. Is getting pregnant so that my son has a playmate a good enough reason to bring another life into the world? Is it?

Here are 12 semi-ridiculous — but sometimes not-so-ridiculous? — reasons that I’ve wanted to have a second baby. Are these bad reasons?:


  • 1. The Baby Gear 1 of 12
    1. The Baby Gear
    I think this is probably a unique situation, but I ended up reviewing baby gear toward the end of my son's babyhood — everything from highchairs to strollers to cribs. And even though I donated 99.9% of the baby products, I've tucked away my favorites for the "what if" future baby. So I have this stockpile of all the gorgeous products that I never could have afforded during my first pregnancy — and it makes me want a new baby to put in that crib and that stroller and that highchair. But then I have to remind myself that it's just stuff. It's just stuff.
    Check out my stroller reviews.
  • 2. I Want a Re-Do 2 of 12
    2. I Want a Re-Do
    I have less than 10 photos of me pregnant. I didn't record enough of my thoughts and feelings. I cried a lot. This is one of the most common reasons for me to want a new pregnancy — because I have a need to do it better next time. To be excited to see a positive pregnancy test, to take monthly belly photos...to just have a do-over. But are my own trivial regrets a good enough reason to create a life?
  • 3. Favorite Baby Names 3 of 12
    3. Favorite Baby Names
    I'll hear a baby name that I love — or, worse, I'll get lost in a baby-name site — and I'm overwhelmed with a "WE NEED TO HAVE THIS BABY" feeling. But is a cool name a good enough reason to have a child?
    My favorite baby-naming site: Nameberry
  • 4. My Sister’s Photography 4 of 12
    4. My Sister's Photography
    These are all photos that my sister took of her newborn son — and they're stunning. She started getting into photography when my son was a toddler, so although I have more gorgeous photos of him than I could have ever imagined — I imagine the beautiful labor/newborn photos she could take for me. And then I want a baby. And then I realize that maybe that's not the best reason.
    See more newborn photographs of my nephew.
  • 5. Trying for a Girl 5 of 12
    5. Trying for a Girl
    This isn't a good reason for obvious reasons. On the one hand, I can't imagine growing old without a daughter. But on the other (more rational) hand, I realize that gender is never a certain gamble.
    Photo: Picnik Photography
  • 6. The Ideal Spacing 6 of 12
    6. The Ideal Spacing
    Although there's a lot of talk about the "perfect" spacing between siblings, I'm 100% sure that this is NOT a good reason to have a second baby. I know some siblings who are 2 years apart and they're best friends. Others? Despise one another. I know some parents who had kids 6 years apart and they thought it was a little too spaced out. I know quite a few parents who swear up and down that the 6- to 7-year spacing is perfect. I've asked this question to A LOT of people, and I've never seen a clear consensus. So is being rushed to have kids in a certain time frame <really a good reason?
    Photo: Picnik Photography
  • 7. For My Writing 7 of 12
    7. For My Writing
    Now let me stop you right there. I know this is a horrible reason to have a child — I know, I know, I know. And I'm not saying I'd ever get pregnant to further my career or give me new writing material, but I can't say it hasn't briefly blipped into my mind.
  • 8. My Sister/Friend is Having a Baby 8 of 12
    8. My Sister/Friend is Having a Baby
    When my sister announced she was pregnant, a small part of me wanted to be pregnant with her.
    Photo: Picnik Photography
  • 9. My Body is Really Good at Being Pregnant 9 of 12
    9. My Body is Really Good at Being Pregnant
    ...knock on wood.

    But again, do I want a pregnancy or do I want a child? If the answer is anything other than the latter, is that fair for said child?
  • 10. To Keep the Benefits of Starting Young 10 of 12
    10. To Keep the Benefits of Starting Young
    Here's my big selfish reason. When my son goes to college, I'll be 40. I'll be able to take long vacations, sleep in on the weekends, take my career to the next level. I'll have an early empty nest.

    There are a lot of great perks to having kids at a younger age — do I want to forfeit those reasons by spacing out my kids? Shouldn't I have a second baby soon, if I'm going to at all?
  • 11. A Playmate for my Son 11 of 12
    11. A Playmate for my Son
    And here's my biggest question mark. I can't tell you how many times I've watched Noah playing toys by himself or beg mom or dad to play superheroes with him, and secretly wish he had a playmate. I can't say that I regret not having a second child yet — it really hasn't been the right time, most of which has been out of my control — but I do wish he had someone. But I have this nagging voice in my head that wonders, is it a good reason to have a child for my first child?
  • 12. I Miss Having a Baby 12 of 12
    12. I Miss Having a Baby
    I'm a baby person. Of course I loved having a toddler and I'm loving this new venture into the bigger-kid phase, but I'm a nurturer at my core. I just want to cuddle and love and kiss and love, rather than discipline and strategize. And maybe it's because I've past the baby stage already that I'm having a difficult time with this. I saw how FAST the baby stage went, so it's forced me to really assess whether I want a baby or a child. The baby phase is fun and cute, but fleeting. Do I want to have another CHILD?

Ultimately, I’m waiting for that feeling that I not only want to have another baby, but need to have another baby. I’m waiting for that moment when — even if you took away the baby gear and the photography and the baby names — I want to welcome our newest family member.

But right now I feel complete. Happy. Only time will tell, I suppose.

What are some of the questionable reasons you want/wanted to have another baby?

 Photo: Picnik Photography

***

Read more of Michelle’s writing at Early Mama.

And don’t miss a post! Follow Michelle on Twitter and Facebook!

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