Last Night Before Baby and I Can't Sleep a Winkclairegoss
See, I’m having a baby tomorrow. My third baby. So I’m very, acutely aware that this is the last night for several years when I can sleep through the night by my own choosing. Sigh.
And yet here I am and I just can’t shut my brain up. I’m in an unusual situation because I know when I’m going to give birth, thanks to my high-risk pregnancy. So you’d think I’d have all my ducks in a row, but there is absolutely nothing in a row over here. I do finally have a suitcase packed and the car seat base is in the car. I got a pedicure (see photo) and did some vacuuming today, too. But none of the stuff in my head is in a row. My brain won’t be quiet long enough for me to snuggle my body pillow and go to sleep.
I’m preoccupied by a number of things. I’m worried about something going wrong tomorrow during the delivery. I’m concerned that my 5 year-old and 3 year-old have no clue how exhausted I’m going to be this summer. I’m feeling nostalgic because this is my last pregnancy and I think I might miss how this feels.
But one thing I am absolutely NOT anxious about is meeting this baby. Before my first was born I was anxious about everything. I didn’t know how to be a mother or what to do with a baby. Frankly, I was terrified. Before my second child was born I would gaze lovingly at my oldest and think, There is no way another kid could be as awesome as you,’ and then I would crumple up in tears because I was convinced it was true and that the second child would see it written on my face.
Now I know things. I know you can, in fact, love your second child as much as your first. And he will be just as awesome, but in a completely different way from your first. It’s amazing and inspiring.
So while I’m sitting here with my head swimming with anxiety and worries I think my head is mostly buzzing because I’m just plain excited. I can’t wait to meet you, baby!
Wish me luck tomorrow, blogosphere friends. Labor here I come!