I had a first therapy session this week. It was a hard decision for me to make to go – it feels weird – being on the other side. Working as a counselor for some years it was out of my comfort zone being the one talking. I went by myself with the support of my doctor and husband who wanted me to have an outlet to talk about my grief, my anxieties around my monthly cycle.
My husband and I talk about this all the time. My feelings around the miscarriages and the new anxieties during this time of month. It is a big “obstacle” in our current debates over adding to our family. I need to make sure I am as emotionally prepared as I can be if we try to conceive because there is a real chance for more miscarriages to happen.
Right now I am sitting in my “funk time“. A deeply triggering zone that brings up my symptoms of PTSD. Nightmares, images and panic haunts me for 3 days out of the month. It is draining. It is scary and it is so very far removed from who I really am. As a very rational person being in a state that I feel I can’t talk myself out of leaves me uncomfortable.
It will get better though. I am not sure if I will be returning to counseling – my personal choice – but I think (with my education) I know how best to handle this for me. I have an amazing support system. I have a coping plan set, written and in practice. One question I was asked made me step back and think though. She asked me if I had received any support while I was having my miscarriages.
I didn’t. I wasn’t even offered. Even she had said to me that “miscarriage was a natural course“. She didn’t even get it.
I understand it though. Thanks to the community on Unspoken Grief I understand that I am not alone in this. We deserve support. We need support and I will continue to speak the ‘hard topics’ in hopes that it will allow someone else to seek support.
You deserve the support. You are not alone.