Today was tough. Actually, this whole weekend was tough. As time continues to pass, it becomes more and more real that my twins are gone and that I have to start from Square One all over again. Realizing that life goes on even after you’ve lost the life inside of you is both cruel and reassuring.
I’ve gained so much comfort in knowing that everything around me continues, that life and its cycle does what it does best and keeps on going. But I’ve also found so much sadness in this same thought.
How can the world just carry on when I am suffering such loss? Why hasn’t the entire world stopped to mourn the loss of my twins? Don’t these people know what happened to me?
But life does goes on. And women who’ve lost their babies — women like me — must also go on. Daily life will not stop for us, even if the lives inside of us have. And getting though “the firsts” is part of the healing process. Seeing the bank teller for the first time and having to tell her you lost your baby. Allowing your boyfriend, husband, partner, girlfriend, wife to intimately touch you again. Deciding to try again. These are all such monumental steps to take after a pregnancy loss. And to heal, you must. In your own time…
Here, I share the most difficult “firsts” I’ve had to handle after my second-trimester miscarriage.
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Read more of Aela’s writing at Two Moms Make A Right.