Living With Infertility Through My Eyes

appleIt’s probably hard for anyone who has not faced infertility to understand this, but it’s pretty all-consuming even when you’re aware of that fact.

Sure, it’s easy to look in from the outside and wonder why we don’t just “relax” or “let it happen.” It may seem like we’re control freaks who want everything to be perfect or that we can’t just let “nature take its course.

Unless you’ve been faced with a basic, human function that should happen, and hasn’t happened, I can understand how it may seem like we’re letting it get to us more than you think it should. It’s for that very reason that many of us may feel out of control. It’s not a good feeling for anyone to manage.

I feel like my body has let me down (again).

I feel like my body is letting my family down (again).

I feel like pregnancy will never happen.

I feel like I am often misunderstood because I have living children.

I feel like all the plans that I hoped for are getting further out of reach.

I feel deep concern with each month that passes with a negative test.

I worry about the time-gap between my children’s ages.

I feel conflicted about my emotions when it comes to pregnancy announcements and unsolicited advice.

I can feel overwhelmed at times with having to manage my fertile zones when all my medications have to be taken on specific timetable, with side effects that have to be managed, along with blood tests and ultrasound appointments.

I have hopes that we will be able to have the family that we want. I hope that one day this dream will happen for me. I hope that it happens for you too.

Infertility is more than just things taking longer than we hoped. It’s more than just trying to control a natural situation that’s out of our hands. It’s more than just needing to relax and let it happen.

It’s so much more than that.

Photo credit: ©Devan McGuinness

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