After a week on my mini IVF cycle — five days of Clomid, three nights of Cetrotide, Menopur, and Gonal-f injections — I was told today that we are ready for egg retrieval! AND it’s scheduled for this Wednesday, two days from now. To say that I’m freaking out is a bit of an understatement. I am overwhelmed with joy, nerves — and yes — fear.
To be honest, I had gotten used to the roadblocks each month. Overactive ovaries. Early Ovulation. Possible endometrioma? Ovarian cysts. It seemed as though there was something new every month, and, well, there was.
But last Friday, our fertility center gave us the go to start my injections. I had completed four days of Clomid at that point, and my body was responding as it should. I was relieved this fell on the weekend. I was anxious about how I would react to the fertility hormones and worried that I’d be uncomfortable at work. Luckily, I had virtually no side effects from the drugs — except for a little bruising in my lower abdomen at the injection sites. That wasn’t a shocker. I’m quite sensitive and bruise very easily. Though I must say the first and only night of taking Clomid with my Cetrotide injection I did feel… funny. Almost as though I was on a mild mushroom trip (if I had to guess what that was like, of course). It was short lived, about seven minutes, and I was utterly exhausted when the slight hallucinations ended that I immediately fell asleep. But that was the worst of it.
Sure, the nightly injections were a little stressful. I had to mix powders with solutions, measure out doses — more than once I wondered how women who are bad with instructions can even do this. Sara was there for it all, coaching me through my anxiety and encouraging me to jab myself with the needles. And like everything else thus far on our journey, she helped get me through.
Still thinking that another roadblock was around the corner, I was nervous going into today’s appointment. Did my ovaries respond how they should to the fertility drugs? Would I have enough good follicles to schedule the egg retrieval? I certainly wasn’t going in with a negative attitude — anything but. I was, however, bracing myself and not getting my hopes up too high. So when our RE (reproductive endocrinologist) told us that my follicles looked good and we’d be able to do the egg retrieval this Wednesday, I was excited and shocked.
This is it. Tonight, I take my “trigger shot” to force ovulation 36 hours from now, and Wednesday, my eggs will be retrieved.
It had felt like everything kept getting stalled and postponed. Stalled and postponed. And now it suddenly feels like we’re flying though this. The dream of having a family is getting closer and closer, and the reality of what that means for our life is exhilarating. And terrifying. When we drove home from the fertility center, we were both beaming. Sara even shed a few happy tears. We spoke of all the oh-my-God-are-we-really-doing-this-CAN-WE-really-do-this feelings, and I asked her, “Are you ready for this?” And in the most genuine and sincere way anyone could ever answer a question, my wife immediately and without hesitation replied, “Nope.”
And we laughed. Laughed. Big, deep, belly laughs.
We know what we want, and we’re working to make it happen. But we have no idea what we’re doing. Absolutely none. Of course it’s terrifying. But it’s also amazing.
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