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Narrowing Down Our Sperm Donor Search

Our Top 5 Sperm Donor Options

Probably one of the most difficult things about this journey is selecting our sperm donor. Sometimes I think we have too many options–have you ever looked at a donor catalog from any given sperm bank?

I see every man as a potential donor. And I often find myself reciting the lines of The Rime of the Ancient Mariner. “Water, water everywhere, and not a drop to drink.” Except of course I’m thinking about sperm and not water–and of course I don’t want to drink it…  Oh, good God, you know what I mean.

My point is: There is so much gosh-darn sperm in this world, yet absolutely none in my life. And it’s just about the one thing I want most right now. (Trust me, the irony is not lost on me.)

It’s such an exhausting task, finding a donor. But I guess all big decisions are tough. I wish I was the type of person who could toss a dart at a map to figure out where next to travel. I get to my wits’ end sometimes and think, “Just shuffle them all in a pile and pick one.” Maybe none of it matters as much as I think it does.

The good-ish news is that, while we don’t have any actual jizz in our possession, we have managed to narrow down our sperm donor search.

One of our biggest problems right now is figuring out if we’re going to try at-home insemination or carry on with a fertility center. I’m so exhausted with the fertility drugs, injections, procedures. I know we technically have a greater chance at getting pregnant if we go to a fertility center, but since I have been pregnant before, maybe we could do it at home…? Maybe?

Even as I type this, I shrug my shoulders–knowing that it’s unlikely. But there’s something in my that wants to try.

And this might make the difference in which donor we choose.

Ideally, for at-home insemination, fresh sperm is used. It can live longer inside of a woman than frozen sperm does–though there are many success stories with frozen sperm. If we decide we’re hell-bent on using fresh sperm, then we have to find “a local source.”

This is where it can get complicated. 

Neither of us are against using a donor that we know. In fact, as more time goes by, the idea sounds better and better to us–personally, and as we consider our future child’s life. But it’s a whole new can of worms–one we’ve only just recently started thinking about cracking open.

We’re also still open to the idea of using store-bought, frozen sperm–though it’s much more expensive and harder to use at home.

Right now, there’s a lot of conversation going on in our house. We’re weighing all our options, and figuring out what might work best for our family. Is that a willing-to-be-known donor from a sperm bank? Maybe. Is that someone we know who’s offered his sperm? Perhaps.

We’ll let you know.

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Read more of Aela’s writing on Babble and at Two Moms Make a Right.

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