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Natalie Portman Gives Pregnancy And Parenting Advice And It's…. Hilarious!

Natalie Portman is an Ivy League graduate with an Academy Award. We should listen to her! Right? Well in today’s Jewish Daily Forward special (and satirical) “Backwards” edition, she doles out lots of advice on pregnancy and motherhood to curious readers. Here’s what she tells a woman who feels pregnant and fat:

“Don’t feel silly — we’re all self-conscious about the weight we gain. Here’s a few tips that have helped me feel like I’m looking my best:

• Work with your fashion designer to create gowns that suit your new body. They can do wonders with flowy fabrics and master seamstresses.

• They say the camera adds ten pounds — don’t believe it! It’s amazing what a good cinematographer can do with lighting and camera angles.”

And what does she say to a woman who feels overwhelmed?

“I hear you! The late months of pregnancy can be exhausting, with doctor visits, red carpet appearances, Lamaze classes, and of course, Oscar season. One of the most important things you can do is to make time for yourself to rest and recharge your batteries.”

It’s pretty funny stuff. Of course, it’s a JOKE! A part of a bigger of the paper’s parody feature “BACKWARDS” it produces to commentate the Jewish Purim holiday, which starts at sundown next week on March 19. Read more here.

But seriously, I do think it always helps our bump-watching nation of pregnant women to laugh and remember from time to time that these high profile, genetically blessed women have a lot of help making gestating look quite so gorgeous and fun. And they’ll have a lot of help with their babies, too. Of course, even celebrities get overwhelmed and depressed–like the famous Mexican telenovela famously reminds us, “los ricos tambien lloran”– as this life transformation can trump even the benefits of  around-the-clock stylists and trainers and nannies. But it seems Natalie is doing fine! (I thought her acceptance speech was very grounded.) And this ‘advice’ is so sensible. Now call that stylist! What are you waiting for?

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