No Baby Visitors Until We Say
We have a strict no visitors allowed until we say policy - post baby.
It was our first baby. We were so excited, after years of trying – to bring our little girl into this world. Labor and delivery didn’t go as planned. There were circumstances we couldn’t change, and when our little girl did arrive, things got weird.
My family who had good intentions and excitement to welcome the first grand baby into the family had camped out in the hallway outside of the delivery room. We could hear them though out delivery and when Z finally made her appearance, so did my family’s faces through the delivery room doors waiting to meet her. But wait. We had JUST met her, and now we were left in the awkward position of “who gets to hold baby?”.
I was so out of it at the time, or else I would of spoken up sooner. By the time I got alone time, the nurses had to take her for bathing and post-birthing what-evers.
After that experience, I knew we had to draw boundaries if we were able to have more kids.
With our second child, we headed to the hospital, delivered in a matter of hours. My family knew we were in the hospital, but no idea of if the baby had arrived. Not that we were not wanting them to know, we just didn’t want them there. We wanted time with our son, UNINTERRUPTED.
The bonding experience of having our baby, holding this child I had just bore and watching my husband connect was priceless. Sure there were nurses and my doctor – but the timing was ours. We didn’t have to pass the baby around, he was ours – just for those few hours.
Our kids meeting their baby brother for the first time.
After our second, we knew that was the way to go for us. With our third, we did the same. We delivered our baby boy Izaiah – enjoyed him for a few hours alone – then let the world know. My husband acted as security to make sure that the room didn’t get too full. The other “rule” we implemented is we made sure that the first to meet the new baby was our older kids. This was THEIR sibling that they had been watching grow daily in their mom’s belly. They rightfully deserved a private introduction.
So again, with our fourth – the time will after birth will be private. Yes, I confess I am an over-tweeter and may share the news of birthing our baby. But as far as visitors, those first few hours will be ours – embracing the miracle of life WE created. And letting the world rejoice this baby with us – just on our time.
What Is Your Policy For After Baby Arrives Visitors?
More on Boundaries: I’m being tormented by my six-year-old neighbor
I really like this policy. Maybe I’ll have to use it for myself this fall when I deliver my first baby. Speaking from the other side, as a very excited sister-in-law, when my niece was born a few months ago, my husband and I did rush to the hospital to meet her right away and didn’t even think about it until we got outside the room where mom/dad/baby were recovering. We chickened out and called, kinda pretending we were still at home, and asked if we could come see the baby. Thank God we did, because it was actually a bad time, my sis-in-law was very exhausted and resting, and the baby was sleeping so they asked if we’d come later that day.
Thank You, Thank You, Thank You!!!
I am ready to pop with my second child and my husbands first. Because of this, I am acutely aware of how important bonding time is with our newborn but he quite doesn’t. I plan to give birth naturally and would prefer that his family didn’t hear me screaming down the hall. I simply don’t want them taking away one of the most important moments of our lives. He wants them to be just outside. now I get to be the jerk who denies his family their “rights” for an entire hour….
Giving birth is an intensely intimate time before and after. In a million years, I would NEVER infringe upon a new mothers time unsolicited.
I love this idea and would like to know how to carry it forward to the house once we bring baby home. Any ideas how to keep the masses away for a few days? What about thoughtful folks who bring by meals? Must we socialize?
i am due in a few weeks with our first (the first grandkid on my husband’s side, the 3rd on my own). all of our family members live in other states, so we aren’t wrestling so much with the hanging out in the delivery room crowd, as we are with people buying plane tickets and wanting to line up extended visits afterward. which, i think, is in some ways more difficult… or just different, difficult. i’d take 30 minutes of grandma nabbing the baby to hold in the hospital over a 2 week extended visit where the sole point is to HANG OUT AT MY HOUSE while i’m bleeding and learning how to breastfeed and utterly exhausted, etc. our family (save my mom) are not so much the types we’d ask to help do laundry, or clean the bathroom. also, my MIL cannot cook to save her life, so that’s out, too. i’m anticipating some challenges. right now, we are asking everyone to wait to make any plans until after the baby is born, and trying to space out visits (my mom, his parents, my dad, his brother, etc) over several weeks of time to avoid being descended on all at once. but honestly, just the THOUGHT of trying to deal with my in-laws in a postpartum state makes me feel incredibly exhausted and overwhelmed. my husband, i think, does not quite understand what the big deal is. of course he doesn’t. 1) they’re HIS parents and 2) he won’t be wearing adult diapers or dealing with chapped nipples. he agreed to me saying “NO ONE SLEEPS HERE BUT US”, but even that he seemed to be a little baffled by, because we have a guest room and all. AAAAAARGH! any advice on out of town family coming to meet the new baby???
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Thankfully my best friend gave birth 4 months before me and warned me about how I might feel about visitors right after giving birth. I knew I was goign to be induced, but I did not tell anyone except our parents and siblings. I thought I would want to tell the world right away, but my friend was right; all I wanted was for me, my bf, and our son to spend the night getting to know eachother. I ended up waiting til the next day to tell everyone, and even then I asked that no one visit until we got home.
I had my first baby on April 13. After hearing my friends’ experiences with their baby’s births, etc, I knew I had to come up with a plan. We told our close friends and family that only immediate family would be allowed to visit within the first two weeks, as we really wanted the time to rest, recuperate, and bond as a new family of 3. No one complained. If they did, I didn’t hear of it. I’m so glad we did it this way, as I ended up going to the hospital for a necessary csection after laboring at a private birth center for hours. I needed that privacy and quiet time to recover, and for my husband and I to bask (albeit nervously) in our new roles as parents. My parents, brother & his wife, and 1 aunt and cousin were the only ones who visited us at the hospital. For the first week, only my parents came over to our house. The second week, a couple we were close to visited. As far as meals delivered to our house, my friend who set it up talked to me beforehand and she requested that the meals get delivered two weeks after baby’s birth (b/c my parents were going to help with meals). It all worked out, no one was offended, and everyone got to meet the baby later on. I would not change a thing!