I recently wrote a post on why I’m kind of freaking out about having another baby. There are quite a few reasons, but I failed to mention one of the biggest fears I have…
I’m afraid I won’t love/like/favor this baby as much as my first.
I know everyone swears up and down that your heart just somehow magically expands to make room for another and that you love them fully and completely, but come on… is it really possible that none of the other parents out there have a favorite kid — one that they like just a little bit better?
When I was pregnant the first time around with my daughter, I had nine months to bond with her. It was just her and me. I didn’t have as many responsibilities keeping me busy back then and I spent massive amounts of time absorbed in thoughts of my baby-to-be. I read books about pregnancy and always knew exactly what was going on developmentally every step of the way. I prepared for her — buying little outfits and decorating her nursery and I even wrote her little letters.
Then she arrived. And despite all my preparation and bonding it still felt a little like meeting a stranger — it wasn’t really love at first sight. I was excited, but I didn’t have that overwhelmingly gushy love feeling that some moms talk about. But, we got to know each other and over time I fell for her. Those early days/weeks/months of motherhood were a struggle, but we were in it together and we made it through. She has become my little buddy and our bond is strong. After all that we’ve been through, how could I possibly expect to just pick up and love another child so completely in the same way?
The bond I have with my daughter is and always will be special, because she made me a mother. How can my son compete with that?
I don’t mean to put them at odds with one another before he’s even here, but I honestly cannot fathom loving another child as much. On top of which, I haven’t had nearly as easy a time bonding with this little guy. I have a toddler who wants my attention non-stop. I honestly just forget I’m even pregnant a good portion of the time. If I don’t bond enough with him while I’m pregnant, will it be that much harder to connect with him once he’s here?
These are the hormone-induced fears and musings of a pregnant woman at 23 weeks.
Please tell me, friends… did you feel like this when you were having your second child? Were your fears justified? How did you prepare? And, be honest — do you have a favorite kid?
Lauren Hartmann is the founder of The Little Things We Do, a blog about life and adventures in Portland Oregon. Follow her on Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest and Instagram or catch up on all of her posts here on Babble.