Pondering the End of PregnancyKateTietje
This pregnancy has definitely been an anomaly in many ways. The timing wasn’t quite what we thought (took us longer to conceive because I was breastfeeding so much). Everything that happened after we found out was, um, kind of nuts…(like my husband’s arsenic detox plus the holiday craziness). Then it just wasn’t like either of my first two pregnancies at all; my symptoms were so different!
Now I’m sitting here at almost 32 weeks pregnant, definitely in the home stretch, and I think I’m as big now as I was in my last week or two with the other babies. Why that is still remains to be seen. Do I have a giant baby in there…? I can’t even stand for my kids to sit with me in many positions anymore because if they push on my belly at all, it seriously hurts. There’s little space in my body that isn’t baby, so pushing on it means it’s crushing vital organs.
Still, the end of pregnancy is fast approaching…how do I feel about it this time?
Everyday it’s becoming a little more real to me. I’m slowly entering that end-of-pregnancy haze where all I can focus on is getting ready for baby. I think about snuggling and nursing a newborn again, and I’m excited. I think of how much I have yet to do and hope, again, that the baby’s late. I still don’t get why I hope that, given that my other two were early. And given that I’m already big and pretty uncomfortable. But I do — I hope, and believe, that this baby is coming closer to 42 weeks.
I both can’t wait to meet my baby (and be done with pregnancy) and hope that baby waits awhile yet before arriving (while I get things done and love my belly a little longer).
Before I know, it’ll be time for birth, though. I’ve been frantically — irrationally — cleaning my house the last few days. For once most rooms are really clean and staying that way. The playroom’s a small exception…but at least the toys are off the floor!
I’m entirely losing patience with everything and everyone. Anyone who stands in my way of acheiving my goals is going to hear about it. I’m trying to fill my freezer for post-baby but I’m now out of all of the stocked meat and I’m still trying to save up for bulk purchases later! The options I’d hoped to have to replenish this meat supply aren’t available. I accidentally didn’t order enough almond flour (and I’m determined to have baking mixes made myself and stashed in my pantry). Needless to say, I was not happy about all of this.
Days and weeks like these make me wish it was okay to use pregnancy as an excuse to cause drama. That I could just shove people out of my way and tell them exactly what I think of them, especially if they’re just out to annoy me. Alas, I can’t do this. Instead I’m trying to ignore anything that doesn’t fit with my plans. It’s not perfect, but it’s a better strategy!
Here are some thoughts I have on getting through the last few weeks:
1) Give in to the crazy: Okay, there’s a reason why the nesting instinct is so strong! Women need to prepare for their babies. Just allow it to happen and work in a focused way whenever you have the energy to do so.
2) Beg for help: In two ways. One, with achieving your goals (especially if they involve moving heavy things or if you have small children who might thwart your plans). Two, for understanding from those around you. My husband regards me, often times, with mild amusement. But he’s used to this (it is the third time) and he’s understanding about it. He knows I can’t help it.
3) Acknowledge the crazy: It’s useful, but not rational to nest. There’s a really good reason for not feeling rational at the end of pregnancy; your life is about to change, big-time, whether it’s your first baby or your fifth. Sometimes, though, it just helps you and those around you to say “I know this isn’t normal. I know I’m not myself. I know this isn’t rational. But this is where I am right now.” This will lift once baby comes, and you will become a normal, rational, patient person once again. I can completely feel this now, whereas I didn’t realize the first time at all!
4) Don’t overdo it: If you have the energy, great, do what needs to get done. But don’t push yourself too hard. When we went strawberry picking last weekend, I was really about done after an hour or so. I had enough energy to walk the kids back to the car to get them a snack (and myself); we should have just left then. But after my snack I pushed myself to walk back and keep picking for another 30 minutes or so. I was so dazed and out of it that when I got home I just laid on the couch for awhile, which isn’t like me (no, I wasn’t the one who drove home). Lesson learned: stop when you need to! I was just lucky I had some nice jerky and electrolyte drink with me there!
Pregnancy will end soon enough, and then you (I) will miss it. I remember looking through my belly pictures when my daughter was just a few weeks old and really missing it. It’s just such a special and amazing time in your life, being completely connected to your child that way, feeling him or her grow stronger and move inside you. Even when it’s tough, it’s a time to be cherished.
So I’ll keep going…give in to the crazy…and see what I can get done in the time I have! Diapers, still no progress, are beckoning….
How do you feel at the end of pregnancy?
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