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Pregnant Women Are Smug

Come on!  You remember what it was like before you were pregnant, back when the meaning of life was rooted in such earth-shatteringly important things as inter-office politics, reality TV and “friendships.” Can you still recall? You were vaguely hungover and prone to long monologs about a ‘conversation you had’ and your sex life.

This was back before you crossed over.  Before you tapped the root essence and became one with all the mothers who came before you; a shimmering cog in the great cycle of life! This was before you were blinded by gravitas.

Look, I know sometimes it’s not all that. And it can get lonely over there in “we know but we’re not telling” land. Maybe you liked your narcissistic life. Navel-gazing used to be about you, dammit! But not any more. Now you’re holding the future in your lap, literally! People, do you not get it?! It’s the biological imperative!!!

So throw your pathetic, shallow, narcissistic non-pregnant friends a bone! Listen to them drone on about dating and career paths and relationships. Fake it if you have to! They are so blind and ignorant over there in the-land-before-kids, have some mercy for heaven’s sakes.

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