Pssst, Fellas: 5 Things to Slip into Your Wife's Hospital BagJohn Cave Osborne
Okay, guys. This is it. Your wife is packing her hospital bag. And once she’s done? You’ve got a little packing to do, yourself. NO. Not your bag. Hers! That’s right, fellas, you need to find a way to discreetly slip a few things into her bag to let the love of your life know that you’re just as emotionally invested in this birth as she is.
What? OH. No. No, I didn’t slip anything into my wife’s hospital bag last time. But that’s only because she didn’t have a hospital bag! She was on hospitalized bed rest for five weeks prior to the birth of the triplets. And just last night it dawned on me that this pregnancy will likely be different (knock on wood). And if so, soon enough she’ll be packing her bag for her planned trip to the hospital (again, knock on wood). And when she unpacks it, it’s my genuine hope that my five surprises will show her how much I love her, as well as how much I love Grand Finale.
If you wanna follow suit, here are the five things I’d recommend.
1. A lovie: And not one that you already own. Go out and buy a new one. Something simple. Something small. Something plush. Something adorable. When she asks you what it is, tell her it’s a lovie for the baby and that before it comforts your newborn, you first want it to comfort her.
2. Thank-you card: That’s right guys. Thank your lady for all the hard work she’s done. I know. Putting up with a woman who cries whenever she hears the song Faithfully by Journey is, itself, hard work. So, too, is dealing with the puddles of urine your lady emits each and every time she sneezes. But nowhere near as hard as carrying a baby for 40 weeks. Thank her for all she’s done. Let her know you appreciate the sacrifices she’s made.
3. Picture frame: When she asks you why you packed it, tell her that you wanna use it for the first ever picture of mama and baby. Even if she hates the frame and doesn’t end up using it, she’ll absolutely love you for thinking of this detail. (And don’t be afraid to outsource this one. Ask her best friend to find a frame that your wife is bound to love!)
4. A wedding picture: Don’t make it one of the posed numbers which features both sides of the family standing awkwardly on the red carpeted chapel steps while you and your bride rocked those atrocious fake smiles. Instead, make it one of just the two of you, say, during the reception. Or, it could even be a picture of you and your wife that wasn’t taken during the wedding—one that has some type of significant meaning. Whatever picture you choose, it will serve as a reminder of just how it is, exactly, that this child came to be in the first place: the love y’all share.
5. A movie ticket: Now, this one’s not for everyone, but I can promise you that my wife will love it. And no. I’m not talking about a literal movie ticket here. But, instead, a ticket that looks just like a movie ticket. When she asks you what it’s for, tell her it’s redeemable at any bar.
And that there’s plenty more where it came from. For once the dust settles, you owe that woman a drink! And after 40 weeks? I’m pretty sure she’ll be thirsty. Just a guess.
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