This is part of an ongoing series of real women sharing their stories of infertility and hope. Today’s story is very dear to me because it’s from my sister. It’s been close to a year since her son Lucas was born and I still cry every time I think about their story. We’re so happy he’s part of our family.
My husband and I hit it off from the second we got set up on a blind date. It was better than either of us could ever have expected. Things were moving quickly along and about a month after the first date, he broke the news to me: he most likely would not be able to have biological children as a result of his cancer treatments and stem cell transplants. This was quite a shock to me since I had looked forward to being a mom as long as I could remember. One person told me that if she were me she would break up with him because that is not something that she could deal with. That wasn’t an option for me. I liked him, I really liked him, and although we had only been dating a month I somehow knew that it would all work out. We were married later that year.
The next year we both felt like we wanted to add to our family. We chose to move forward with that. There was a small chance that IVF would work with the sperm that he had saved. He had already done a full round of chemo before saving the sperm and so it was not very healthy or even viable. We hoped that it would work. I endured the shots and preparation for the egg retrieval. The doctor’s office would inject the eggs and let us know. We woke up to the devastating news that none of the eggs had been fertilized. It was absolutely heartbreaking. Even though we knew that there was not a very good chance that it would work, we believed that it would. Our hearts were broken and our dreams seemed to be shattered. It took a long time to get over that, and I still don’t think that I am fully recovered. There are times that it sneaks up on me and it hurts all over again. But life does move forward.
We knew that adoption was the other option. With the agency that we wanted to go through, we would have to wait until we were married for 2 years. There were mounds of paperwork to be filled out, background checks to be done, fingerprints to be checked, and interviews. It took a lot longer than what we thought, but about 6 months later we were approved. And then we waited. We sent out letters to family and friends letting them know that we were hoping to adopt. There was a better chance at being matched if someone knew someone who was pregnant and considering adoption. We were contacted by one expectant mother. It was exciting to email back and forth and get to know her, but then she chose another couple. We met with another expectant mother and felt like this was it. The baby was to be born in just a few weeks and we were in just a state of limbo. We were hoping that she would place with us, but cautious that it might not happen. It didn’t happen. And then we kept waiting.
Another 6 months went by and we heard nothing (except for a scam). But then a miracle happened. I received an email from an aunt who lives many states away. She had a friend whose daughter was pregnant and considering adoption. My aunt had given her our information. Two days later we wept with joy as we read, “I’ve read your blog and was really touched. Ever since I found out I was pregnant, I have never felt like he is supposed to be mine…I decided that adoption was a better choice than raising my son as a single parent…Please let me know if you can consider adopting my son. I know you will be a great choice.” This is what we had been waiting for. It was a miracle. We got to know her and flew out to meet her and her family. Things fell into place and she was immediately family. A couple months later, as we were trying to get there as quick as we could, a perfect little baby boy was born. Our plane landed about an hour after he was born. We raced to the hospital and met our son for the first time. Two days later as he and his birth mother were being discharged from the hospital he was lovingly placed in our arms and we were instantly a family of three. It was an amazingly emotional and special experience. We continue to have a very open relationship with his birth mother and his birth father and their families. We recently visited them and it was wonderful. My son is loved by so many people. Adoption is a beautiful miracle.