When we first decided we were going to start trying to have a family, there wasn’t much information out there for us. Sure, all the medical info was available, but there were so few stories of how families like ours are formed, so few real words from other lesbian mothers — so I decided to blog about it.
I reached out to a dear ex-coworker of mine who had tons of blogging experience. I wanted to know which site she used: WordPress, Tumblr, what? I told her my plans to share my story, and — without it ever once crossing my mind — she asked if I would want to share it on Babble. Of course she’d have to speak to the editors there, and there were no guarantees, but sure! Why wouldn’t I want to?
Babble decided to take me on. To be a platform for me to tell my story. I signed up with their Pregnancy Channel, then called Being Pregnant.
Two years later, I’m still on the Pregnancy Channel.
No one from the original crew is with me. They’ve all moved on to Baby’s 1st Year, or what’s now just called Baby. Not only is the original crew gone, but so are the two other groups of women who came after them.
I’ve seen three cycles of pregnant women come and go while I’ve been writing my story for Pregnancy. The fourth group is about to leave, too. Their babies are due soon.
I thought I was going to rock 34 so hard. It’d be the year I start my blog, it’d be the year I get pregnant. It’d be the year.
Two years later, and I’m now 36. Still no baby. Still writing for Pregnancy.
I’m not used to this type of stagnation. At my previous “real” job, I was first promoted within six months of working there. Within my four years at that job, I was promoted three times. Now, at my new “real” job, I’m looking at a first promotion within 5 months’ time of my start date. I move. My life is fluid. I rise to challenges and go beyond.
Yet, here I am. Stuck.
Life has always had its challenges, but nothing like this.
I know you’ll say that I need to be patient. That maybe even this is the “test” I need to undergo before becoming a mother. That there’s some bigger and greater lesson in all this. That I’ve given a voice and provided comfort to other women struggling to get pregnant, other women who have suffered great losses. That my words have been needed.
And I know you’re right.
But today I’m 36. And it’s been two years.
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