Sex During Pregnancy – Creativity and Changability
One of the questions I get asked a lot when I’m teaching childbirth education classes — usually via the anonymous “write down a question on this index card and drop it in the bucket” method, relates to sex during pregnancy.
The exact questions are a little different sometimes — Is it safe? Will I hurt the baby? Will I hurt my wife? What happens when I’m not comfortable lying down anymore? But for most couples, intimacy is an important part of the relationship and that can be physical as well as emotional.
I’m not sure if all childbirth educators cover this in their class sessions — I usually don’t talk about it a whole lot, but I give everyone a copy of my Sex During Pregnancy handout that I created. Each trimester of pregnancy provides unique challenges, changes, and possibilities.
For example, first trimester can be both more tiring for a pregnant woman, especially if she’s experiencing lots of morning sickness (there’s nothing sexy-feeling about vomit guys, sorry) OR she feels full of life and energetic and relieved to not have to think about birth control. Both are valid feelings and she may swing from one to the other depending on her mood and energy level.
Second and third trimesters each come with new changes — normal, exciting or frustrating changes. Partners who roll with the punches, keep open communication and are patient may find that their physical relationship doesn’t change too much at all.
Look through the handout so you have an idea of what to expect, and then realize that your reality may not be anything like that. That’s how pregnancy is — changeable and unpredictable. But it can also be a lot of fun if you let it be.
Do you find yourself changing trimester by trimester?
I’d like to hear about the physical difficulties of sex post-partum and how your body can change. Beyond the emotional and hormonal, things just don’t seem to work the way they used to, and I hope the further away from birth (7 weeks ago!) I get it all gets better. :/
@Stacia – Sorry I didn’t catch this comment sooner! It is totally normal to feel “different” after having a baby. The amount of TOUCH you recieve during the day taking care of baby can really almost deaden you to being sensitive to touch from your husband. Also, especially if you’re nursing, dryness is a problem many women face.
Patience, lubricant from the store, and just taking it slow can really help. Also mentally preparing yourself for intimate times with your husband can be helpful for some women. I’ve heard some women say they had good success scheduling times for a little while postpartum because it helped them mentally prepare and ready themselves. That’s all really normal and all totally OK to feel.
And also – some women just flat aren’t ready at 7 weeks. There’s a reason why doctors often tell men 6-8 weeks. If you tore and had to have stitches your healing may take even longer.
In that case you can get creative with intimate times with your husband and avoid penetration if it’s still painful or uncomfortable even with extra lubrication.
And whatever happens realize that YOU are the only one who knows your body and how you’re feeling right now. Your hormones are shifting and winding down – an orgasm may take much longer to build up to than it did during the last two trimesters of pregnancy – that is NORMAL and to be expected. Your blood volume is decreased and your hormones are decreased as well.
It WILL get better. It will resume a normality that doesn’t feel odd or foreign. In the last year you’ve been through a tremendous amount of change that didn’t stop just because your baby is born again. You feel different in your body, you feel different in your mind…these are normal feelings. They will pass and you will rediscover your passion. It’s there – make a point to focus on it and try to revive it and that can really help. But don’t put undue pressure on yourself to magically bounce back into swimsuit-readiness-and-bedroom-kitten-passion. Patience. Patience. Patience.
(((hugs)))