Sh*t I Never Had In My House Before I Had Kids!

The "Myth Bin"

Before I had kids my idea of “essentials” was wine, coffee and tampons. You could maybe add to that list a decent pair of boots and some mascara. The day I peed on a stick and found I was pregnant, the contents of fridge included milk, maybe some leftover Pad Thai and a lump of moldy Manchego from a long forgotten dinner party. Next to the toilet, Drano and Ajax in plain sight.

But things have really changed around here.

Sh*t I Never Had In My House Before I Had Kids!

1. Food. I’m almost 100% sure we still have some moldy Manchego in the fridge. But there’s also lots of fruit, broccoli, organic hot dogs and an almost obscene amount of dairy products.

2. Band-Aids. Hell, we even have a First Aid kit. Back in the day the only thing remotely close to medicine in the medicine cabinet was some sunscreen and Visine. The Advil was in my bag for immediate access.

3. Batteries. In all kinds of sizes including those big rectangular ones that I’m pretty sure are only used these days for remote control trucks that break in half a day.

4. Bins. There’s the superhero bin, the block bin, the myth bin, the princess bin, the sword bin. Then up high we’ve got the toxic bin, the electrical bin, the tool bin, the extension cord bin. The toxic bin actually has a sticker on it that says, “The Toxic Bin.”

5. Rattles, shakers, drums and bells. If hippies took over our apartment they’d be happy for weeks.

6. Impenetrable waterproof mattress pads. On every bed.

7. Melamine. Where did all the melamine come from? We have plates, bowls, cups, saucers and trays. Many feature colorful, graphic images of owls or peacocks.

8. Working fire and carbon monoxide detectors and water filters. Either life was less valuable then, or so valuable we were convinced of our own immortality.

9. Snow pants. For them, for me. I don’t even remember what I used to wear when it snowed. Did it snow before I had kids?

10. Kids. Only two. But they really know how to fill out the space.

photo: “The Myth Bin” by Ceridwen Morris