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STAB: Ode To Pregnant Women On The Edge

I have officially left the realm of pleasant and nice… I have exchanged my personality for that pregnant bitch that no one likes.

It’s ok though… I only have a week left until delivery unless my lovely daughter decides to bust a move before that… I am not hopeful although she thinks it is hysterical to screw with me all hours of the night with contractions.

I notice one of the most popular words in my vocabulary this month is stab.

I now present you with my poem:  Stab: Ode to Preggo on De Edge!

Stab: I do not want your virtual hug
Stab: At colleagues in my field dissing on my birth plans
Stab: At religious holidays driving me batty
Stab: SWOLLEN FEET AND HANDS!
Stab: At people trying to give me information like I am not educated on my birth choices already!
Stab: Damn bladder and your ability to wake me up out of a dead sleep every 45 minutes during the night
Stab: Man in autozone who cut the line for a wiper blade after parking in the fire lane.
Stab: The people telling me how big I look… really because I was about double the size with my other kids.
Stab: The stranger who gave me the stank eye for my meal out the other night… If I want nachos I will have them!
Stab: The question “Are you still pregnant?”   Yes… if I wasn’t you would know!
Stab: WEATHER!  Thank you for going from FREEZING to making me feel like a 300 pound man in a sauna!
Stab: People who don’t understand what a mouth filter is and why they should be using them… Some comments are no longer appropriate!
Stab: I don’t want people feeling sorry for my birth plan, or for questioning my birth plan… how about ya just mind your own birth plan?
Stab: The third trimester as a whole!

I really needed to get that all out in hopes, and helping to pave the way for a truly peaceful, and positive birth experience… I hope you all understand!

Sass back with class: Fun Responses to Things People Say to Pregnant Women!

Article Posted 4 years Ago
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