Stage Three: Searching In Vain For A Way Out


flowers and vase After the anger has subsided stage three sets in where you begin to bargain and desperately search for anyway out. I have to admit this is one of the stages I’ve dealt the least with but I’ve definitely had moments of pleading in prayer.

“I promise that we’ll be good parents if you trust us with a child.”
“If I get pregnant I promise to never complain about the difficulty of it.”
“If I could just have one healthy child, I will be happy.”

I asked my good friend about her experience with this stage and she related her story.
“Infertility made me obsessive and I did things that looking back don’t seem logical but at the time made sense. I started going to church everyday and praying and pleading. I would bargain by saying:

‘I’ll be a good mom if I can have a child.’
‘I’ll be a nun if my husband passes away.’
‘I’ll give a career to stay at home with my kids.’
‘I’ll give up Diet Coke.’

Now I realize that I don’t need to convince God of anything, He knows everything and sees everything and His plan is what’s best for us. And bargaining with Him is not how the world works. It was just my way of coping.”

Have you dealt with the bargaining stage? How do you step away from being illogical?

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