Ten Things Not To Say To Anyone Suffering From Infertility EVERMelanie Blodgett
As one who is going through it now, I know the hyper-sensitivity that comes with infertility. I’ve been offended by a t.v. commercial that portrayed a couple with kids loathing their child-filled existence because they never had a moment to themselves. I realize I need to watch myself with taking offense too easily. People often mean well but let’s consider watching our conversations and avoiding the following:
1. “Just relax and it will happen.”
While stress might be a contributing factor to infertility, “just relaxing” is not the answer for most. Relaxing won’t heal a uterus or help sperm swim.
2. “You’re still so young; you have plenty of time.”
When you make the very personal decision to have a child, you feel ready no matter your age. And gaining years will do nothing for infertility besides make it worse.
3. “Are you going to have kids soon?”
This is one, I think, where infertile women could maybe be a little too sensitive. Those who ask this question often don’t know that you are dealing with infertility and, let’s be honest, they are often well-meaning and overly curious aunts or grandmas. But, the last time I checked, our family planning wasn’t any of your business.
Keep reading for the rest of the list.
4. “When are you going to give (name of first-born child here) a sibling?”
Just because a couple were able to conceive one child, doesn’t mean that other children will come easily.
5. “Well, my cousin’s neighbor’s daughter tried yoga and fish oil supplements and they were pregnant the next month!”
I don’t like yoga. Each couple’s infertility is different. There is no one size fits all cure. And infertile couples have studied every treatment method conceived by humans.
6. “God must be punishing you.”
I actually haven’t heard that one yet but it would be the easiest one to take because of how ridiculous it is. I’ve heard stories though…
7. “You can have my kids. They’re driving me crazy.”
No thank you. Please appreciate the miracle you’ve been given.
8. “At least you can still sleep in.”
Infertile couples would trade any luxury in order to have a child.
9. “I hate being pregnant! I’m so fat.”
To me, pregnant women are beautiful. I would happily be fatter. But this is another one that you hear when the speaker may not know that you are dealing with infertility.
10. “Well, I know someone who dealt with it for seven years before they had any kids. So your situation isn’t a big deal yet.”
The classic one-upper. Never helpful in any context.
Honestly, I have probably been guilty of making some of these comments in the past and just realize now that they aren’t helpful. Does anyone have any stories of outrageous commentary?
image: Aled Lewis