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Ten Totally Embarrassing Parts of Pregnancy

Have you found yourself surprised by some of the less decorous parts of pregnancy? Take comfort.

Thebump.com has polled their community and put together a list of ten things pregnant women should really be warned about.  As one might expect, the list consists largely of matters of bodily fluids and sex organs. So if it doesn’t actually ring true in your experience, it could at least entertain your inner eight-year-old.

Read on for a few choice reflections on the unforeseen indignities of pregnancy. Is your pet peeve on the list?

Note: You will almost definitely not have to deal with all of these things!

If you do, you have our condolences. That which does not kill us…

No. 1. You might grow a beard.

“I didn’t know my prenatal vitamins would make my facial hair grow out of control!” -megi616

Okay, so maybe we’re exaggerating a tad. You probably won’t be sporting a full-on beard (hopefully!), but facial hair growth in general is a very real pregnancy symptom – so be on guard. Your raging hormones can be blamed for this one, since they’re what’s causing your hair to grow at super-fast speeds and maybe even in some new (and embarrassing) places. But at the end of the day, it’s a small price to pay for baby; so buy a home waxing kit and remember, it will all end soon.

No. 2. A good poop could feel like a distant memory.

“I never thought I’d have constipation so severe that I feel like I did a major ab workout the day after ‘pushing.'” -HRMJPC

Sadly, constipation plagues many mamas throughout their pregnancies, since the flow of hormones can make your belly muscles relax, turning pooping into a rough process. Your uterus is also growing and putting added pressure on your bowels, which may be yet another factor why things aren’t quite in working order. Try to fight back by adding more fiber to your diet, drinking extra water, keeping active, staying on top of your prenatals, and living by this motto: “When you gotta go, you gotta go…”

No. 3. You’ll have insane gas you can’t even blame on the dog.

“My gas would make a trucker blush.” -2becomes3

Let us just start with: It happens to the best of us. With that said, crazy pregnancy gas is, unfortunately, not always something you can avoid. With your body working double-time making hormones like progesterone and relaxin, muscle tissue around your bod will start to relax – especially around your GI tract. This causes the food you eat to move through your system more slowly, thereby causing you to bloat. Altogether, these factors can prove to be a pretty nasty combo. Our advice: Lay off the gassy foods for awhile, since they’ll just add to your troubles. Other than that, all you can do is grin and bear it – and hope that your partner’s a good sport.

No. 4: Two words: Uncontrollable drooling.

“No one told me about all the extra saliva that would wind up all over my pillow after waking up!” -B3Bride

Nighttime drooling certainly isn’t sexy, but hey, sometimes you just can’t avoid it. Nobody knows exactly why, but it’s pretty common for your hormones to cause your body to produce way more saliva than normal when you’re pregnant. This can definitely lead to some pretty gross situations on your pillow, but also be embarrassing during the daytime too – because yes, the drooling isn’t just a problem at night. So what can you do? Brush your teeth more often, swish around some minty mouthwash, and pop in a piece of sugar-free gum to try and get dry in the mouth.

No. 5. You’ll burp like a frat boy.

“I don’t just have little burps…I have full-on if-I-don’t-release-the-valve-I’m-gonna-hurl kind of belching.” -AndriaKay

If you’re burping like crazy these days, chances are it’s for the same reasons that you’re so gassy. Everything’s getting a bit crowded in there, making it hard to avoid some of the nasty side effects and discomfort. But at least baby doesn’t feel your pain. Yep, that’s right, even though you may be letting out teenage-boy-style burps, baby remains blissfully unaware of all your gas problems from inside your belly. Though you may not be able to get rid of the burping altogether, all you can do is steer clear of drinks with a lot of fizz (aka soda) and hope for the best.

See here for the full list. (The rest are basically all about your crotch.) The good news is the article also contains some tips on how to manage some of these aggravations.

I’d add one thing to the roundup: although these things can be pretty bothersome, some of them come with benefits (and I’m not talking about the baby, here). For example, you may have heard the occasional report of mind-blowing sex during pregnancy. Reason #10 is a big factor in this phenomenon.

Have you suffered through any of these unpleasantries?  Or any others that have gone unmentioned?

photo: Marko Kudjerski/flickr

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