It dawned on me the other day, as I purchased my beloved pizza sub from our local sandwich shop, that the eyes of multiple men were on me. You know that feeling you get when you’re being looked at? The strange, “WHAT?!?!” feeling? Your boobs aren’t hanging out. There is nothing on your face. No toilet paper stuck to your shoe… But that feeling is still there. Well, I had that feeling and as I thought about it more and more, I came upon my latest theory regarding the embryo.
Thus, I feel obliged to make you all aware of the fastest way to draw the attention of men… Behold, the bump. The baby bump. The pooch. The abdominal shelving unit.
The bump created from the embryo. The surging hormones created from the embryo. The hot sweats created from the hormones created from the embryo. All of it comes back to the embryo… housed in the bump.
Yes, indeed, this bump houses your spawn for 9 (ok, let’s be real, 10) months. But it also serves as a rather large target that attracts a vast majority of men.
Here’s why… Your bump is physical, tangible proof that you put out.
Your blossoming body, as gross as it may feel at times, is going to come across to some men as unbelievably hot. Mark my words. Start taking note of the men around you.
When you’re buying light bulbs with lower wattage for the nursery at Lowes, watch the eyes. When you’re rounding the frozen food section at the grocery store to find your pint of mint chocolate chip, see if you get a head-nod or a grin from a guy. Sure, it means they’re polite for holding the door open for you, but do men watch you walk through the door as well? If you have a baby bump, chances are they do.
You will be looked at, and not only because your D cup overflows, but because you have the bump. Your zygote that turns to an embryo that turns to a fetus is a total turn on for men.
And, chances are, they don’t even know it. They’re just reacting to the demands of their body.
Look. Imagine. Visualize. Fantasize.
These things are going through the minds of men as a pregnant woman walks by. Our physical roundedness that rests on our abdomen is a clear sign that WE PUT OUT.
Too bad the only thing this pregnant woman wants to do is sleep. And eat… more than men eat. Lots of eating.