The Domestic Adoption ViewpointDiana Stone
Kacia from Coconut Robot and I have come to know each other over these past few months through our adoption processes. And while ours is on hold for a while so we can let time pass from losing the twins, I’ve learned so much from her during this time. Her support and friendship have been invaluable to me. She’s explaining about her families’ decision to adopt domestically, the hows and whys of the process. I interviewed her to get the perspective from another angle.
– What led you to the decision to adopt?
Growing up, my family did foster care, and I always knew that fostering and adopting would be important to me when I had my own family. I wasn’t sure what that would look like, the timing of everything, or what laws would be in place in the state I would live in – but I knew that somehow it would be a part of our lives.
– Why did you choose domestic?
I’ve thought about this question a lot, and I still don’t feel like I have a great answer. Ultimately, as we talked and prayed about moving forward in the adoption process, we both felt very strongly that we would adopt domestically. That being said, I’m still not sure why. I think everyone gets a different tug on their heart – does that make sense?
– Are you looking for a particular age range? Does your agency have policies about birth order?
Most likely, we will be adopting an infant. And while our agency doesn’t have written policies about birth order, right now, we are choosing to keep birth order in our family – although we struggle, still, understanding what exactly that looks like. In the future, we are planning to foster, with the possibility of adopting as well.
– What is the usual timeframe for adoption in the US?
This varies by agency, special needs, city, state, family, etc. We are working with a smaller agency, and depending on the parameters, these wait times vary. As a family with a child, we know that our wait might be longer – and we are happy to wait. Friends and acquaintances’ wait times, who have adopted domestically, have really varied: from a few months to a few years.
– How many agencies did you speak with before choosing your current?
We spoke with about 5 agencies. We met with some agencies, we simply requested information from others.
– What advice could you give couples thinking about domestic adoption?
Don’t feel locked in after talking with one agency. If you don’t get a good gut feeling or you’re not feel great about anything–you can continue looking. You’re going to be communicating and working with your agency a lot, so you need to feel comfortable and able to ask questions. Also, don’t feel locked in by the state you live in. We looked at many agencies within our own state, but also outside of Pennsylvania.
My last advice is to let go of any “schedule” you’re holding on to. You really have to let go of expectations and how you want the process to play out. Once you free of yourself of that control, it helps you see each step as a step forward, instead of being discouraged by how the process plays out.
– Is there anything you wish you’d known about this before starting?
I wish I would have somehow prepared myself better for the rollercoaster of emotions – but I’m not sure you can prepare for that. I think mantra consists of “patience, patience, patience and baby steps.” It’s a long process, but it’s worth it. And that’s from someone who is still very much in the middle of the process.
Diana blogs on raising a toddler daughter and the loss of her twin boys on the aptly named Hormonal Imbalances. Smaller glimpses into her day are on Twitter, Facebook, and Pinterest.
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