I finally got a call from our adoption agency regarding our waiting child. Only it wasn’t news I was expecting: due to law changes last month in Korea in an effort to eventually end international adoption there, they were no longer accepting families with any history of alcohol abuse.
Which is a significant part of our marriage. Sam is a recovering alcoholic, and has been sober 2 years. We are very proud of the work that we’ve done in our marriage since then and didn’t hesitate to share it with our social worker during the interviews. He put in the homestudy he considered it a “great strength.” Only Korea apparently does not. Or India. Or Thailand. And those were really the only programs we qualified for with our international agency; for the rest of the programs we are too young to adopt or the children were too old. (We want to keep birth order.)
So they very kindly told us they couldn’t place a child with us. Due to our honesty about past alcoholism.
Which makes both of us feel like STELLAR parents.
So I bawled for a better half of the morning, wondering what in the HECK was happening to my life. Why on earth it was just all such a mess — how did two people who wanted to have more children end up in this position? It’s not like we admitted to being active meth users.
I talked to several friends (Kacia and Kim) who offered all kinds of ideas and sympathy, along with my mom. Then Kim called to say one of her friends had suggested going with another agency as long as we had an approved homestudy.
OH YES. The elusive homestudy.
So I finally sent a very direct email to that agency asking if we had or had not been approved. And?
So there was that bit of good news.
I also called around to other agencies to see what countries we could adopt from, and found that there were many. We will simply have our homestudy amended for the new country instead of Korea, then begin that process. It will just a bit longer than where we’ve left off here for the added paperwork.
Right now, we have a lot to think about. What country would be a good fit for us to look into and can we incorporate the culture of our potential child into our current life? Will we be comfortable having far more unknown factors than an adoption with S. Korea would have carried?
I’m still a little shell shocked from today, but it isn’t over yet. We’re determined not to let this bump in the road and the honesty about our past discourage us from what we feel we’re still meant to do.
I’m going to always remember the little boy we thought might be a part of our life.
Diana blogs on raising a toddler daughter, the loss of her twin boys, and their families’ Korean adoption on the aptly named Hormonal Imbalances. Smaller glimpses into her day are on Twitter, Facebook, and Pinterest.
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