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The 20 Most Ridiculous | Weird Mother & Baby Products of All Time

By Selena Mae |

Well now I’ve seen it all and I’ve just got to share it with you. From creepy fake hands to hold your baby to toddler urinals, what on earth are we buying this stuff for?

Having children is expensive enough without buying into the mass-consumerism of ridiculous products out there claiming to make your/their life easier. For the love of all that is sweet and innocent!

You want bizarre? Go buy something some kinky, role-play Star-Trek costume. You want ridiculous? Buy a whoopie cushion. Want to just spend money? Buy a pair of sexy designer shoes. But please, please don’t buy any of this stuff as as claim to necessity. If you value your child’s future independence and play-ground reputation.

It’s not just the baby-stuff that has got us by the kahuna’s as Meredith wrote about earlier today.

Baby / Mama Products and gear that are a total waste of time and money…

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The 20 Most Ridiculous | Weirds Mother & Baby Products of all Time

Baby Hanger. Fun, wheee!

MORE ON BABBLE

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The 10 most useless baby products
The 7 worst things you can say to your child


Other posts by Selena…you can follow her antics on the Twitters too.

More on Babble

About Selena Mae

selena-mae

Selena Mae

Selena Burgess is crafty, a culinary expert, and a professional wrangler of the toddler variety. When the chaos permits, she writes stories and is addicted to documenting everyday life. Selena is proud of her Anishinaabe roots, and is the type of woman you want to revel (or kvetch) in motherhood with. Read bio and latest posts → Read Selena's latest posts →

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38 thoughts on “The 20 Most Ridiculous | Weird Mother & Baby Products of All Time

  1. Amanda says:

    I agree that almost all of these are ridiculous except for the itzbeen timer. My sister and sister-in-law had twins and at least with my sister-in-law her little girls were born preemies and they had to record EVERYTHING in a chart and be very precise about it. I think they would have welcomed something like this. Especially when others had to babysit for them because I know all too often others would forget to record stuff down for them or aging grandparents would forget how long ago something happened!

  2. Jen says:

    The placenta tddy is just gross. The helmet could be good, aparently my niee needed one as she started walking at 9 months and enjoyed running head first into everything.

  3. Jennifer says:

    As a new mom I would be totally lost without my itzbeen timer…I love that thing!

  4. allison says:

    OMG! hilarious! and gross!

  5. Selena Mae says:

    @Amanda – I think need for a product for something like the itzbeen timer, of course depends on circumstance. In general, I really don’t think it’s necessary, but that’s just my opinion. Your sister’s situation is far different than my own!

    @Jen – Oh come on. You love placenta bear bear. As for the helmet, my friend – YOU need one of those. How’re those stairs buddy? As a matter of fact, so do I.

    @Jennifer – Whatever floats your boat, this is just my humble list. All due respect :-)

    @Allison – That’s right.

  6. Amanda H. says:

    Please, Yo Gabba Gabba is one of the most annoying shows on the planet.

    1. Selena Mae says:

      @Amanda H. – Please, Yo Gabba Gabba is so hip it hurts! http://youtu.be/-fmg_OYn6IA

  7. Terram says:

    Those are almost all fantastically hysterical! BUT, I gotta say that I LOVE that scary nasal aspirator. It actually plays music to distract baby while it suck boogers and my daughter adores it. She’s almost 2 now and will even bring it to me when her head is stopped up. It works so much better than the traditional kind and it’s easy to clean. Scary, yes. Stupid, no.

    1. Selena Mae says:

      @Terram & Caress – A. In using the words, ‘bees knees’ to describe said scary nasal aspirator – you are making a girl wonder. Music!!! It plays music!?! Makes it even more ridiculous, no? Now, that doesn’t mean ridiculous = bad. But still pretty over the top, even if you love it ;-)

  8. Caress Lepore says:

    All of those are funny. but I am with Terram. That nasal aspirator is the bees knees. I love it and it works so much better.

  9. Suzanne Nelson says:

    Ok, I could be totally crazy, but having had to take my baby into a nasty public restroom because I have to pee, I really love the baby hanger!! Provided it was safe of course! I’ve seen the Placenta Bear on other lists and I think it’s lovely….. in a Leatherface, Texas Chainsaw Massacre kind of way. I do own a Baby Einstein DVD, and my Sweet Baby E doesn’t seem to like it much. She prefers ESPN, Monday Night Raw (she’s her daddy’s girl!) and Sesame Street when the muppets dance and sing. BE seems to be too slow paced for her. Maybe when she’s a little older (she’s 6 months). Either way, thanks for the funny list Selena. I really like your blogs

    1. Selena Mae says:

      @Suzanne – Love the choices in TV your little one has. How old is she? Mine was not into Baby Einstein until he was around 6 or 8 months, gawd, mommy-brain of epic proportions over here. I don’t really remember. But I do know it was not right away. He preferred the ruckus too. But as he got older and was really into animals and learning, etc. they (the videos) were a win. And how could I have forgotten Sesame Street? Although the old school is way better. Thanks lady!

      @Abby – Yea, I refuse to let my little guy watch Barney (shudder), although that does not mean someone else will expose him to it and then I’ll be doomed. I know once that happens, it’s all over. However someone (not mentioning any names, starts with G ends in MA)…introduced him to Cailou. Oh my word but that child (Cailou, not mine), is annoying. Far too sweet and perfect of a family for me. And his voice…make it stop. It’s so awesome that Wyndham sing songs his name all the time in asking to watch it. Spectacular.

  10. Abby says:

    I kid you not one of my friends kids had never EVER been exposed to Barney. While surfing netflix to find something for him to watch he stopped (two years old) and begged for thatTHATthatTHAT…..Barney. There is something about that big purple obnoxious dinosaur that kids are drawn to.

  11. Jennifer says:

    Hilarious list! The baby bikini and heels are just wrong. It’s like yeah .. let’s start dressing the girls like hoochie mamas from a young age. Brilliant idea … yeah no. Sicko! I LOVE the hooks. I’d like to put my husband up in one of those! The rest of the stuff, well, I don’t have kids, but I’m an Auntie … and I believe that everything on this list is useless and just plain a waste of money. My grandparents didn’t have anything like this, and we all turned out fine.

    1. Selena Mae says:

      @Jennifer – hoochie coochie, mommy loves you. There are extreme’s of course, at least these products aren’t a boob job certificate! *BARF* as for the hooks…uh, errr…I think there’s something like that avails for adults on the internets. But for entirely different purposes…
      @Melanie – super grody.
      @Sanriobaby – re: the baby hands. I think that in extenuating circumstances such as you mentioned, is an entirely different matter than putting them on your registry list. Not necessary. But that’s just me, still find ‘em creepy for everyday mama’s & pappa’s. The baby hanger…I gues I’m not a germaphobe and am okay with the attributes of hand-washing & quick in & outs of public restrooms. Germs are everywhere!
      @all the other momma’s who love them the itzbeen. Rawk on then. ;-P

  12. Melanie says:

    The placenta teddy bear? Just gross.

  13. Sanriobaby =^.^= says:

    Most of these products are ridiculous and a waste of money, but some of them really serve a purpose. The pillow hands were created by a parent for babies in the NICU to simulate a parent’s touch, they not only help to regulate a baby’s temperature, but it relaxes them while thier parents were away. They were shown to really reduce stress in some babies and allowed them to feed better, recover faster, and go home sooner. I like the idea behind the Itzbeen, but would only get it if it kept your info for longer than 24hrs at a time. Sometimes parents need more than a day of info on hand, especially if trying to determine if your baby is getting sick or something. As a bit of a germaphobe of public restrooms, I kinda like the idea of hanging my baby up, but only if it was really safe, then again, that would get all germed up too and unless you were carrying disifectant spray all the time, it kinda of defeats it purpose of keeping your child clean you know. Oh and I CLEARLY remember when Barney first came out, my sisters were obsessed with everything Barney related and it was a nightmare for our family. I think we even celebrated when they finally grew out of thier obsession. I’ve vowed to NEVER let any child of mine watch it as a result. And the placenta teddy looks like some gross low budget horror movie prop that should never ever see the light of day in the real world.

  14. K says:

    I think most of those are funny/gross (placenta bear? really?) but I have to say I love my Itzbeen. I got it after i had my 4 year old and also used it for number three and will with the number four this winter too. Even if you don’t use the timer parts (which are great for mommy brain and middle of the night feedings, etc.) it’s a fabulous flashlight when trying to sneak into baby’s room (or your own if that’s where baby is) and just to have a clock in my diaper bag since I always forget to wear a watch. Plus it kept my 19 month old entertained for hours on a plane, just pushing the buttons and watching it light up. I do wish it saved the info and there is another company with one that does that now – http://www.americaninnovative.com/products/pba.php. You can even download it to the internet and track milestones, etc. Of course if you have a smart phone, maybe there’s an app for that. :)

  15. Regina says:

    OMG!! The placenta teddy bear!!! Just gross. I am sorry to tell you, I like cailou. Hate yo Gabba Gabba!! DJ Lance just gets on my last nerve!!LOL!! the heals and bikini are just not necessary. the hand pillows are seriously creepy along the same lines of the placenta teddy bear!!LOL!! “It takes the lotion and places it in the basket.” The toupe app.. although completely unnecessary is quite funny!!! and my last comment is a no brainer.. THREE HUNDRED DOLLARS FOR A FRIKKEN CARDBOARD BOX ON WHEELS… yeah right.. and i burned a cool half million in the fire place last week!!!LOL!! Thanks Selena for the good laughs!!!

  16. Noelle says:

    For the first three months, I loved my Itzbeen timer

  17. LesLee says:

    This list is funny :) although I do agree that some of the ones on here have a use… I can’t remember how many times I went to a public restroom to change my daughters diaper( thank God for changing pads lol) and needed to go myself and held it cause I had no where to put her… Given that, I wouldn’t actually purchase it…. There are def other things I’d rather spend my money on that a convenience for me. Hey, parenting ain’t meant to be easy, sacrifices, sacrifices lol
    The baby toupees are funny lol I’ll admit to the fact that I’d put one on my daughter cause it’d be cute and funny (buy it tho? Not so much)
    The itzbeen would actually have been a good product for a mom like me… Bad habit of doing things and not paying any attention to a clock, but my one year old has made it thus far with her forgetful momma, so I think we’ll be ok :)
    And I gotta say I thought about the nasal aspirator, but never jumped on the bandwagon… I agree it could be scary.
    The tutu is over the top, but the incredible cute factor on a baby girl trumps the outrageous one lol
    The placenta bear is super creepy, but atleast they didn’t cook and eat it. Some do lol
    And the hands, while creepy to those of us who didn’t have premies, I can see how it might be comforting to babies and parents of NICU babies. But even those parents have to admit they look odd lol

    I like your list! And appreciate that you made it funny and not mean/harsh/rude to anyone who might choose to use these items.

  18. Jennifer L says:

    I’m on board with most of the stuff being on this list, although there are some good ideas (itzbeen, door hanger). However, I whole-heartedly disagree on the nasal aspirator! Our daughter got an ear infection at three months (due to repetitive colds from daycare) and it was the only way to clean all the snot out. I was hesitant, but her doctor actually recommended it. She hates it when I use it (which thankfully hasn’t been at all recently), except that now I get it out just for the music since she’s a wiggle worm on the changing table.

  19. Jennifer L says:

    I’m on board with most of the stuff being on this list, although there are some good ideas (itzbeen, door hanger).

    However, I whole-heartedly disagree on the nasal aspirator! Our daughter got an ear infection at three months (due to repetitive colds from daycare) and it was the only way to clean all the snot out. I was hesitant, but her doctor actually recommended it. She hates it when I use it (which thankfully hasn’t been at all recently), except that now I get it out just for the music since she’s a wiggle worm on the changing table.

  20. Jennifer says:

    On the timer thing, I just don’t get it. Nurse baby when hungry, change baby when dirty, rock baby when sleepy; it’s not rocket science! Newborns are not, nor should they be, strictly scheduled. Go with the flow.

    As for that strange baby bucket strap contraption; get a Moby, or a Maya, or an Ergo (but not a Bjorn crotch-dangler, please!). Much better for baby to be snuggled while carried than strapped into a bucket asphixiating for hours while Mom chats away! (Really; look it up. Many babies have gotten hypoxic from sitting in those things for more than an hour.)

  21. cassie says:

    I agree with some of the list but have to disagree on caillou, My kids love that show and it has help to teach to share since my son is 3 and daughter will be 2 tomarrow. My daughter LOVES TuTus she plays dress up in them and wears them when we go out. I make her tutus so it does not cost much at all. I think the urinal would be great for singel moms or moms who’s hubbies are gone alot due to work. My son was potty trained why my husband was deployed and its hard to teach a little boy to stand to pee if you urselfe do ot do it.

  22. cassie says:

    Jennifer,
    the timer thing I think is more helpful to those who HAVE to feed babies on a schedual and keep track of dirty diapers, like for premies.

  23. jess says:

    i kinda like the urinal..i have 3 boys under 5..and none like to wipe the seat off…this may actually be good =]

  24. suzanne nelson says:

    @Selena Mae- My baby is 8 months now – 6 when I first read the article – and yes, I about had a stroke when I saw Bert and Ernie as computer animation. However, E is totally into Murray. He’s really the only one she’s in to. I wish they made some kind of Murray doll or something. Anyway, thanks again for the article. I had to read it again to chuckle at it some more. I’ll make sure and try baby einstien soon. Still grossed out by placenta bear. Although I may or may not be accused of dressing my daughter up rediculous outfits for pictures. Do you have a girl? If not and you have one, beware!

  25. Cyndi says:

    oh my gross,…. placenta teddy bear… I don’t know whats worse: the actual placenta teddy bear, or picturing someone 2 inches away from it holding it in its hands, slowly stitching together some woman’s placenta by candle light while lightly smiling and humming ‘Oh, Susanna’. . How creepy. It puts the lotion on or else it gets the hose again much? …>And the little fetus “charm”? AHH!!!! Deal-break-er!! run while you can if your date ….or wife… has one of those around her neck. Red flag. Is it real? Commemorate with a poem or a tree, psychopath.. have your teddybear placenta hold some flowers for it while your cats paw at it until they get the watergun. Baby knee pads lol…. how long is your baby ruffing it up on gravel?

  26. Melissa says:

    I have to disagree with the “creppy hands” My son was premature and in the NICU for 12 weeks. As much as i would of loved to be with him 24/7 i did need to go home shower/sleep and all that the baby hands simulate my touch on the baby and i would also wear it so it had my scent on it. I really hate when i see this product on lists like this as the person should do their homework before posting about something that is really helpful for babies in the NICU.

  27. Grace says:

    All ridiculous, except the itzbeen timer. I had two of them for my twins, and they really helped me in the middle of the night to remember who ate when and on what side. Never used the change timer on it, though. The light on top was handy at the changing table too.

  28. Rachel B says:

    Sometimes these slides shows are on the opinionated side…and they expected everyone to share those opinions. As a single, sleep deprived mother, my Itzbeen was a freakin’ life saver the first few months.

  29. johna says:

    I have the toddler urinal. I love it. I used it to potty train both of my sons. Laugh if you want but I have had numerous friends order it for their little boys.

  30. Jessica says:

    The baby helmet…AKA Thudbumper is awesome! My son bumped his head all the time, and this was perfect! I’d go for the kneepads too… I had some when my girls were babies(twenty years ago) and looked all over for them for my son(now ten months) and cannot find them! I’m tired of his knees being beat red after crawling around for awhile on hardwood floors.
    The fetus in a jar…and placenta bear are just…. WRONG… Period…

  31. carolmccomber says:

    some are silly or gross but i think the carseat strap might be nice especially if u have a toddler as well as one to little to walk, when u have one in a carseat and one who walks its much easier to have both hands free

  32. kidlitfan says:

    Teletubbies’ first 50 or so shows were BRILLIANT, engaging for my little one and soothing for me.

    The best birthday gift I ever gave was also the least expensive; a friend’slocal PBS station didn’t get the show, and videos weren’t yet available in the US, so we carefully taped 15 of our favorites (at 24 minutes each) onto a VHS tape (yep, this WAS a while ago) and had something fabulous for the new toddler and his parents.

  33. comment says:

    ok why weren’t baby hooks around when my kid was little??? i can’t tell you how weird and uncomfortable it is to use the toilet while holding a baby. Especially when out and about alone with no stroller. Not many options available other than handing your beloved child over to a complete stranger to hold. So you do your thing and pray to God it’s not a poop!!

  34. Gail says:

    I beg to differ on two items!
    We LOVED the itzbeen timer for the first few months- when you have two people caring for a baby at diferent times, it’s handy to know when was the last time baby’s been fed, etc. It’s also a good timer to say when to pump next.
    Also, LOVED the battery-operated booger sucker. That thing is a godsend. Rather than stab at baby’s nose with an aspirator 20 times to get all the snot, one quick zip of that little vacuum does it. Absolutely useful.

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