This week marks the 47th official week on my journey to motherhood. Over the past 11 months, I have undergone more procedures and experienced more delays than I ever imagined. The biggest ordeals include one unsuccessful IVF cycle and one successful IVF cycle that resulted in the pregnancy of my twins – a pregnancy I sadly lost at 17-weeks pregnant after my water broke.
December 22 was the last day I had any life growing inside of me. I miss my twins desperately. And I miss being pregnant. Contrary to how I thought I’d feel during pregnancy, I actually enjoyed it. In fact, I never felt so good.
Now, I’m trying to get there again. Pregnant. Sure, I’m scared that I won’t be able to sustain a successful pregnancy to its 40th week – or close enough to that to have a healthy and alive baby. But I’ve decided to try again.
After my uterine catheter came out a few days ago (Thank you, Jesus), I returned to my doctor today to plan our next approach. The news was inspiring, though I’ve learned to take all and everything hopeful with a grain of salt – because, on these fertility journeys, everything changes all the time and it’s better to be prepared for setback after setback than it is to blindly believe it will go as planned.
Because it never does.
But in the meantime, this is my latest update on the “what next” of my journey.
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Read more of Aela’s writing at Two Moms Make a Right.