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The One Mistake a Lot of Pregnant Mamas Make

boy_girl_symbolsWe’re inching closer to being able to learn the gender of our baby. At 15 weeks, depending on the position, we could maybe already find out. Tomorrow we have our monthly midwife appointment at which time she’ll hook us up with the hospital she works with so we can make an appointment to get an ultrasound.

I figure we’ll know if we’ve got a boy or a girl by mid-October, depending on how quickly the hospital schedules ultrasound appointments. Which is about right as we’ll be around 20 weeks by then.

As just about any expectant mama can tell you, the one thing almost every person who hears you’re pregnant asks is Are you hoping for a boy or a girl? I can honestly say that I don’t care. Granted, I’m coming from the luxurious position of already having a boy and a girl and I probably wouldn’t be feeling as fancy-free if I had a pack of all boys or all girls roaming the place. But whether or not you’ve got one boy or ten, the chances of having a girl remain the same so all the wishing and hoping in the world won’t make it so. And it just might work against you.

I made the mistake of thinking I was having a boy when I was pregnant with my daughter. I wasn’t necessarily hoping for a boy, I was just pretty sure my first kid was going to be a boy. This was based on absolutely nothing, of course, nonetheless, I spent the first four months of my pregnancy dreaming of a blonde, little boy. And then I went in for the ultrasound and they promptly declared my boy was a girl.

I cried. God, I hate to say that now because I cannot imagine not having my Violet, my beautiful daughter, the very child I was meant to have, but yeah, I cried. My confused husband, who wisely never predicted or fantasized about a specific gender, sat in the hospital parking lot rubbing my back as I tried to explain my tears.  It wasn’t because I was upset that I was having a girl but because it felt like I was mourning the loss of the little boy I had fantasized about. I ruined the awesome moment of learning about my daughter’s existence with some mental image of a boy that was based on nothing.

Set myself up for disappointment, didn’t I?

That’s what I want to warn you against doing. Don’t let your fantasies carry you too far down the boy or girl road.  If you’ve started thinking hard about a specific gender, focus on the alternative as well. If you find yourself going gaga over frilly pink onesies and ballerina tutus, make sure you immerse yourself in tiny ties and baseball caps too. If you’re one of these women who boldly declare mother’s intuition with a resolute, I know I’m having a boy, you should think twice. Yeah, there’s a 50% chance you have mother’s intuition about your child’s gender and there’s a 50% chance you have absolutely no idea.

Bottom line: the minute that baby is born you wouldn’t have it any other way, wouldn’t be able to imagine life without that very specific human being, so don’t set yourself up for disappointment you’ll only regret feeling later.

Read more from Monica on Babble:

 

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