Our country is flailing about in a lottery frenzy, hoping against hope that the winning Mega Millions numbers are on the cards they’ve laid out on the table. And what better time to win the lottery than while pregnant, right? But it’s not all a bed of roses. Like everything, winning the Mega Millions has its pros and cons.
Here are some of the good and not-so-good things that might happen to you if you won the Mega Millions while pregnant:
Pro: Your child will never want for anything.
Con: Your child will never want for anything.
Pro: You can hire a personal cloth diaper cleaner and feel righteous and unsoiled at the same time.
Con: When you tell your friends you have a personal cloth diaper cleaner they will think you’re an asshole.
Pro: You can quit your part time mommy blogging job.
Con: Blogging is your only avenue for personal expression, a sense of self and community.
Pro: You can buy yourself a “mommy makeover.”
Con: You’ll have to buy mommy makeovers for all the moms you meet in mommy and me.
Pro: You can farm out all your future pregnancies to eight different surrogates simultaneously, then get a reality TV show made about yourself.
Con: You have eight kids and people are filming you suck at raising them.
Pro: You can definitely buy that Oeuf crib. Hell, buy the company.
Con: You’ll need the very best personal nursery decorator, baby nurse and early infancy Mandarin tutor and it’s so hard to decide.
Pro: You can hire Madonna and Gwyneth’s personal trainer to come over and wait till the baby naps to give you a custom workout.
Con: Even money can’t get rid of stretch marks.