The Right Time for Baby Number Three... I Really Need Your HelpMonica Bielanko
I’m a firm believer in putting stuff out there. Not on the internet, necessarily, although I do that every day. I just mean putting stuff out into the universe. Making your thoughts, feelings and dreams known. Saying them out loud. I truly believe that helps them eventually become reality. Because dreams are really just goals, aren’t they? Goals we have for our lives. I recently saw a television show about happiness and how to be happy and one thing mentioned was that people who have goals are happier people.
I have goals and I’m about to let you in on one that may surprise a lot of people that know me. I would like another child sooner rather than later. Three seems like a good crowd. I grew up in a family with four children so two feels a little lonely. I want a crowd, some chaos! I want a lot of grandchildren visiting me in my old age. I’d really like Violet to have a sister. Oh! I know! Not cool to declare that I’m hoping for a specific gender. I’m not, really. I would be just as thrilled to have another little boy, a brother for Henry, because brothers are the best… but I grew up with three brothers and I firmly believe I would be a different person today if I had a sister. I feel like a sister has always been missing from my life. I am so jealous of sisters and their relationships.
So having a third child is on the radar. Serge is in agreement most of the time. Every now and again, when both kids are crying and life gets a little intense he’ll say something like “No way am I having another one” but I think that’s just talk, for the most part. Of course I won’t have another one unless we’re both fully on board but I think, secretly, Serge wants another child.
The question then becomes about timing. When is a good time? Henry is only seven months right now. Do I wait another year? But then Violet will basically be nearly five by the time this child is born which is good, because she’ll be heading into kindergarten making life significantly less chaotic for a good portion of the day and also she’ll be able to help. But if it is a girl there would be a five year age difference among the sisters.
Another thing. If I do get pregnant again, I am planning a completely different pregnancy route. Midwife, birthing center, no epidural. No hospital. Not that I don’t like the hospital but I don’t like being charged to death for every sip of water I drink while in the hospital, you know? I want to see how cost effective I can do this whole thing while still receiving excellent care. I don’t have health care. I will be paying for this birth out of pocket. Plus, I’ve been there, done that. I did the whole hospital birth thing because I didn’t know any other way. Now, I want to experience the other side of childbirth that so many of my colleagues write about here on Being Pregnant and all of the experiences you’ve all shared in your comments. I’m scared but excited.
So… keeping all of the above in mind, including the fact that I’ll be 35 this March, where do I start, what do I read, what do I watch as I attempt to arm myself with knowledge? I want to ready myself, mentally and physically (I still have ten more pounds to lose to get rid of my Henry baby weight) months in advance of actually beginning to try to get pregnant. But I am telling you, if I do this one more time, you guys and your vast life experiences are going to be my lifeline. I need your help! I really mean that. I am so damn lucky to do what I do for a living and that I have access to you all and your intelligence and experience. So, thanks in advance for sharing your thoughts.
Now, where do I start?
Why siblings are important: I’m trying to get pregnant so my kid isn’t an only child