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The Seven Months Pregnant Blues

I am absolutely miserable.  At 28 weeks along I have not slept two consecutive hours in a week.  I have long since kicked my husband to the guest bedroom.  Thank God for the guest bedroom!  And no, it’s not his sleep I’m worried about.  I’m heaving my body from one hip to the other at least every five minutes and I don’t have the energy to be concerned about whether my next movement is going to disturb him.

I cannot find a comfortable position.  Of course the stomach is out.  So is the back.  It’s right side or left which begs the question which hip hurts the least right now?  The answer changes every five minutes, hence the heaving from one side to the other.

And the peeing, my God, the peeing.

The urge strikes once or twice an hour.  I wait, wait, wait because it’s so hard to heave my body out of bed and finally, when I can’t take it another second, I roll to my side and lumber out of bed to pee the one teaspoon of pee I’m allotted as a  seven months pregnant woman and then it’s back to bed to wait the twenty minutes for the second teaspoon to announce its arrival.

It’s deceptive, the urge to pee.  It comes on like a freight train and hurts so bad you think that surely you are about to pee buckets.  And then…  drip, drip, drop.  And done!

Several times a day I contemplate two more months of full-time work and this being pregnant business and I have myself a silent little panic attack all up in my head.  Omigod, omigod, OH MY GOD how will I make it?

Yeah sure.  It sounds all drama queen to you but I’ve really hit a wall over here.  And I thought the second trimester was supposed to be the best part of being pregnant.  Which yes, I guess it is but that’s like saying Charles Manson was the best serial killer out of Ted Bundy and John Wayne Gacy because he killed less people.  They’re all bad!  Bad, bad, bad!  Trimesters, serial killers the whole lot of them suck.

I’m thinking the third trimester may be best because you’re closing in on the finish line, you know?  The light at the end of the tunnel is getting brighter.  Right now it’s so far away, just a tiny pinpoint of light.  Come here little light.  I need you to get here sooner.  Like, now!  No?  How about now?  Now?  What about now?

Someone help me.

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