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The Unmentionable Symptoms of Pregnancy

By ilanawiles |

Pregnancy (along with being a beautiful journey into motherhood, of course) is chock full of minor physical ailments, unexpected bodily “happenings” and symptoms you can only really discuss with other pregnant women.

I’m not talking about nausea or exhaustion. That’s obvious.

I’m talking about peeing every time you sneeze, dry heaving at the mere mention of seafood, toes swelling up like sausages and the process of your belly button turning inside out revealing decades old substances.

Ewwww…gross. I KNOW.

Some women have boobs that spring milk way before they have an actual baby to breastfeed causing embarrassing wet blotches soaking through their shirts— I am not that lucky. What I have is one milk filled bubble on my nipple that looks like a giant zit. Yay, pregnancy!

Another lovely preggo symptom I’ve been dealing with is the painful shifting of my ligaments right below my stomach and right above my ummm… crotch area. Every time I stand, I have to fight the urge to grasp my lower regions in an effort to massage away the pain. Usually, a few moments bent uncomfortably over like a runner after a race does the trick.

I also find myself waking up in the middle of the night with a cramp in my calf that feels like every muscle in my lower leg is seizing into one tennis ball sized lump. The only way to make it go away is to jump out of bed screaming (my husband loves when that happens) and immediately put all my weight on it.

Have I mentioned my bra? It’s about five sizes too small but I don’t want to buy new bras only to go up to an even larger size once the baby arrives and my milk comes in. So, I find myself constantly ducking into corners to discreetly shift my underwire. Isn’t that attractive?

I hear there are also hemorrhoids, stretch marks, back aches, and a seam that develops right down the middle of your tummy like an avocado about to split in two.

I’ve got three more months left— can wait to see what happens!

What unexpected symptoms of pregnancy are you least likely to bring up as dinner conversation?

Read more of Ilana’s writing at Mommy Shorts. 
And don’t miss a post! Follow Ilana on Twitter and Facebook!

Read more from Ilana Wiles on Being Pregnant:

6 Mistakes First Time Moms Make Before the Baby Arrives

Are You More Relaxed Your Second Pregnancy?

Food Porn for Pregnant Women

More on Babble

About ilanawiles



Ilana Wiles writes Mommy Shorts, a humor blog geared towards new parents. She is one of Babble's Top 100 Mom Blogs and one of The Huffington Post's top 20 women to follow on Instagram. She lives in NYC with her husband, 2-year-old daughter and a newborn baby girl. Read bio and latest posts → Read ilanawiles's latest posts →

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