Why I Think It's OK Not To Love Being PregnantLauren Hartmann
OK, I’m just gonna be totally honest right now: I don’t like being pregnant.
I know that saying you don’t like being pregnant is pretty much akin to blasphemy and that some people are probably gonna get all Judgey McJudgerson on me for saying it — but it’s true.
When you’re pregnant, and blogging about it, there is a fine line between being transparent and being viewed as an ungrateful whiner. People want to hear a little bit about the unpleasant parts of pregnancy so they can know what to expect, but if you complain too much or get too real about things then you get comments from people about how ungrateful you are because they/their relative/their neighbor/their dog only wishes they could be pregnant after struggling for years with infertility/miscarriage and how you should feel completely ashamed of yourself for complaining about such a beautiful blessing… the miracle of life! How could you?!
Yeah. I’ve gotten a lot of those comments.
Last time I was pregnant and blogging for Babble Pregnancy, I wrote a post about how I was really struggling with body image during my pregnancy and having a hard time accepting my rapidly-changing body and mostly just feeling fat and gross all the time. Oh man. Big mistake. Apparently, you’re never allowed to feel “fat” when you’re pregnant (or at least you’re not allowed to tell anyone about it) because you’re carrying sacred human life and “That’s not fat! That’s a baby!” and “You seriously have body dysmorphic disorder” or other things of that nature.
I get it. There are a lot of people out there who struggle to get pregnant and who are sicker than sick throughout their pregnancies — and that really sucks. I am not trying to diminish their experiences. But, I also don’t think it’s fair to say that someone else isn’t allowed to have moments of feeling negative about their experience just because someone else might have it worse. Saying that would be like saying that someone isn’t allowed to be happy because there are others who have it better. That would be stupid, because it’s all relative.
I personally have pretty easy pregnancies. Aside from the basic aches and pains associated with carrying a human being around like an indoor kangaroo for nine months, I don’t really get many symptoms — no morning sickness and all that jazz. But, that doesn’t mean I don’t ever go through rough patches. I get tired, I get crazy hormonal and I have a hard time adjusting to the fact that my body has been hijacked… hijacked by a wonderful little blessing, but hijacked nonetheless. Yes, there are others who have it worse than me. And, most of the time, I am thankful about my pregnancy. BUT, I’ve never been and probably never will be one of those glowing goddess-type women who just adores being pregnant and would love nothing better than to carry and birth 100 babies… and that’s OK. We are all entitled to our feelings.
To the women who are having difficulty getting pregnant: I truly am sorry for your struggle. I can’t even imagine the difficult journey that you are on and my heart breaks for you as you go through this and hopes for you that you will be able to experience the joy to be found in motherhood one day. And to the women who “Just LOVE being pregnant!” — I’m so glad you love it! But please don’t feel bad if your experience is not the same as everyone else’s. And to everyone else, please try to cut me and others who are pregnant some slack. Some of us just don’t really love every single moment of pregnancy.
We all have our own journey and sometimes it feels just like those people who tell you to “cherish every moment” of motherhood like 10 minutes after you just got puked on and broke up a fight between your two kids… I’m sorry, I don’t cherish those moments all that much. Does it mean I am a terrible, selfish mother?
Nope. Just human.
Lauren Hartmann is the founder of The Little Things We Do, a blog about life and adventures in Portland Oregon. Follow her on Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest and Instagram or catch up on all of her posts here on Babble.
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