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Truth Bomb: Females Scare Me

By mybottlesup |

I try not to succumb to gender discrimination. Truly, I try hard. But I’m going to be entirely honest with you here, the chance that I may become the mother to a baby girl scares the pants back on me.

If this baby is a girl, which the vast majority of my friends and family seem to think it is, then I may have a slight panic attack. In fact, I’m already getting sweaty palms while just typing this post.

Girls are scary. Sometimes even terrifying. I know this because I’m a girl and there are times I scare myself. While I understand that mothering a boy is no better or worse than mothering a girl (and vice-versa), I also understand that the differences in mothering the two genders can each bring about their own challenges.

Don’t get me wrong, I love women. I am amazed by women on a daily basis. I think we are the most powerful beings on the planet… and yet I have genuine concerns about mothering a daughter one day.

The world is terrifying. It’s enormous and creepy and exhilarating. I have a lot of baggage when it comes to protecting those I love. (Trust me, years of therapy has helped, but the baggage is still there. It never goes away.) When I consider bringing a female into this world… (((sigh))) I just don’t know.

I worry. A lot. I try not to be consumed by worry, but at this stage in the game, worrying goes hand-in-hand with raging hormones and it’s just as hard to ignore.

There are times (rare times) when I find myself hoping that this baby is a girl. I think about the incredible relationship I have with my own mother, and the opportunity to build a relationship like that one day. What my mom and I have is truly a gift beyond what words can convey. I fantasize about raising a strong, aware, and empowered girl who can take on absolutely anything.

My fear has a tendency to overwhelm me though, and when it comes to imagining what it would be like to parent a girl in this day and age, I want to run away and cower in a corner. I’m scared, plain and simple.

I love a good challenge just as much as the next person does, but this possibility of our baby being a girl… phew… it leaves me at a loss at this moment in time.

Parents of girls, what say you? Parents of both boys and girls, what say you? Parents of only boys, can you relate? Anyone have insight to offer? Book recommendations? Therapists’ phone numbers?

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0 thoughts on “Truth Bomb: Females Scare Me

  1. Katy E says:

    I have boys and I will be honest, with my first, I wanted a girl so fiercely that the mere thought of having a little boy just made me wrap into an uncontrollable mess (I have brothers… and nephews who have been known to be extremely difficult to be around. I did not want that.). Then he got here and I was in love immediately… and then I was pregnant with # 2 by the time #1 was 13 months old… and I prayed selfishly for another mama’s boy since they’re so close in age. I got my wish but by the time # 2 arrived, #1 was in full-tilt wild boy toddler mode. That was rough. Another rough part is all of my friends have little girls a few weeks younger than #1. Little toddler girls listen better, talk faster and behave. Little toddler boys are funny but they’d rather break into whatever drawer holds the markers, make the biggest mess and climb the most dangerous mountain. I spent the third trimester of my last pregnancy trying hold back my jealousy (don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t trade my boy for anything…) and trying not to punch the first time moms of female toddlers while they went on and on about how well behaved and chatty and ‘smart’ their girls were. Once #2 got here, life got much better for me.

  2. Taz says:

    i don’t think girls are any more vulnerable or delicate or difficult or scary than boys especially when they’re infants. you aren’t very specific about your fears and worries, but i’m sure pretty much anything awful that can happen to a girl can happen to a boy as well. i’m having a girl and i couldn’t be happier. but i’m a real girl’s girl with tons more female friends than male ones. i don’t think that my ideas and methods on parenting would be too different if i were having a boy.

  3. kiki says:

    She’ll have an older brother, so she’ll be a bit less “girly” than other girls might be. I had an older brother growing up, and I know I was a total tomboy until high school – then I was about 75% tomboy. At age 31, I’m maybe 50/50, but I count most of the 50 on pregnancy-related hormones atm. :) Think how much fun women’s self defense classes will be with her (Mom and I did one when I was in HS), how much fun it will be to greet a new boyfriend with a shotgun at the door when she’s a teen, and how cool it will be to get her hooked on powerful chick music over the crap those kids today listen to. I’m kind of hoping for a girl for all those reasons – don’t get me wrong, I’ll love whatever we have, and after the last year I’ve relaxed my requirement that he/she have 10 fingers and toes, but… And chasing frogs is totally still on the table – my nieces like them (and bugs) way more than my nephew does.

    Bottom line: you’ll be fine either way, and everything will be OK. :) Good luck!

  4. mybottlesup says:

    @TAZ- i agree with you to an extent, which is what made me hesitant to publish this post. as far as not being specific about my fears and worries are concerned, it’s hard for me to be specific b/c i’m feeling overwhelmed about it at this moment in time. i fear for her safety (i’m a rape survivor) and i worry about body image issues and self acceptance… amongst a ton of other worldly concepts that can be difficult for girls. so while i realize that both boys and girls are vulnerable (we’re all vulnerable), there are some things that i find to be more girl-oriented, which is what this post stemmed from. it’s just an entirely different way of thinking, in terms of parenting, since i have a 3 and a half year old boy right now.

  5. Kim Q says:

    I can relate to your feelings of the “unknown.” Sure you already have one child, but that one child is a boy. I have 2 girls myself, and when I was pregnant with my second, I had similar feelings as you, except in reference to boys. Would I be a good mommy to a boy? Would I know how to raise a boy? Etc. Of course, these concerns didn’t end up making a difference, because like I said above, I have 2 girls. :o ) But I like to think that had my little peanut been a boy, nothing really would have changed, except the clothes. Different issues, sure. But overall parenting, no.

  6. Sara R. says:

    Oh my goodness, I could have written this post! I am having my first, and when we found out it was a girl I just felt this dread. I think a lot of the fear for me comes from being a girl and knowing just how hard it is sometimes. As you alluded to in your comment, women seem so much more vulnerable to me – rape, body issues, the cruelty of other girls/women, struggling with macho behavior in the workplace, working against stereotypes, etc, etc. I also do not have a close relationship with my mother, which doesn’t make it any easier. But, I’ve been trying to remind myself that boys have it hard too, just in different ways (that I don’t understand or relate to, so they don’t scare me). And, I’m trying not to think too much about the teenage years yet, ha!

  7. mybottlesup says:

    @SARA R- yes! thank you! you clarified all of my fears so much better than i could even do in my own post. ha! i am so overwhelmed by it all (the hormones and emotions certainly don’t help) that i couldn’t even quantify all of my concerns. but thank you so much. it’s nice to hear i’m not alone.

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