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Unplanned Does Not Equal Unwanted

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The stigma surrounding the term unplanned pregnancy seems to be spreading like wildfire all over the internet, and being misinterpreted by several activism groups on all sides of the abortion debate. But what happens when the term unplanned pregnancy has nothing to do with abortion at all, but a change in plans for a family who already has children, planning on having more children, just not at this moment in time?

Enter my story!

My husband is 27, and I am 25. We live in Connecticut where we were hard hit by the economy two years ago when I was pregnant with my youngest son. My husband lost his job, and eventually took a new job, in a new field with a pay cut that we have made do with. From living very comfortable, to cutting back on the things in life we are used to has been hard. But we have done it, and thankfully our children haven’t been inpacted.

My husband started to go back to school to complete the courses, and training he needs to become a paid fireman, as he is on a volunteer department, on top of working full time at this moment in time. One of my most proud moments was when my husband won the “Probie of the Year” award, which they give out to one of the newest guys in their first year volunteering. But besides all that, it has been a long road to become comfortable in life again. Just as we were settling into a raise in pay, extra income from myself being able to work at home, and him wrapping up his training to start applying to paid fire departments, enter Baby Elwood number three.

Unplanned, certainly is the word to use. Unexpected goes right along with that also, as we were doing everything humanly possible as a married couple to not have anymore kids!  We knew eventually, some day, we would want more. But we are still young, and we have two beautiful boys who are under the age of three.

So when I learned I was pregnant thing time around, instead of tears of joy, or happiness, I cried for a couple days. Disbelief, disappointment, stress, money, baby gear, everything… We had not planned anymore children soon, and have given most of our big baby items away through freecycle, or to friends. All but the little boy clothes, and co-sleeper. Oh, and the swing the baby killed the motor on that went to the garbage after my husband attempted to fix the motor.

I went into busy Mom mode, planning, what to do, arrangements, providers, childcare, saving for new items, everything that most normal mothers would be thinking about come the third trimester. Which sent me directly over the edge. And landed me back at the OB/GYN office I met with last week with bleeding, and fear in my heart that over working myself, and being stressed out had caused me to lose an unplanned, but very much wanted pregnancy.

Thankfully after two hours at the office, bloodwork, an ultrasound, and a heartbeat, it looks like our little bean is still kickin’ and well. But it certainly upset me to no end. Now landing myself on modified bedrest until probably the end of my first trimester, or my next appointment when I am re-evaluated.  The one happy sign, that I never thought I would ever be happy about is the morning sickness. It lets me know the baby is still healthy, and developing while I hug the toilet all hours of the day.

Moral of the story, despite what the different sides of the abortion debate say, unplanned does not mean a pregnancy is not wanted. This coming from one of the most pro choice mothers you will ever meet!

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